Five motorists from hell

“Behind every slow-moving truck climbing a slope on the highway, there is a fool in a little car trying to overtake.” Those words, said by a friend as we drove on Masaka Road years ago, ring in my head every time I get onto the highway. What my friend was trying to say in his rather crude way was that every time you join the highway, you should anticipate that you will meet the following types of crazy drivers;

1. The speeding Omnibus: Beware when driving ahead of a speeding commuter van. These kamunye drivers do the strangest things. Feeling wise, the taxi guy will speed past you at 180 kilometres per hour only to drop to zero when he suddenly has to offload a passenger or finds himself face-to-face with a speeding trailer coming straight for him.

2. Full lights guy:

Some drivers do not go for an eye test before getting their driving permit and as such, are unaware that they suffer from night blindness. Why else would someone drive 200km through forests, swamps and townships without feeling the need to dim their lights even when going through a well-lit area or when they are following you bumper to bumper? The only explanation for this is night blindness. The people who install blue and green tinted headlights also belong in this category except that these individuals are more criminal than sick.

3. Speeding bus:

If you look in your rear view mirror and see a bus, bearing down on you, huffing and puffing at breakneck speed, move over or the damn thing will run you down. The people who drive some of these road monsters do not care about you or your little car or anyone else on the road for that matter. So when you see a speeding bus heading your way, give way or suffer the consequences.

4. Mr Impatient:

This man or woman but usually a man, has important things to do. He drives like he is on a mission to save the lives of an entire town and he is the one guy with the tools to stop the ticking bomb from going off. This impatient driver behaves like his business is more important than everyone else’s. He will overtake you with a vengeance as if you are the reason he overslept and is running late.
If you see this driver coming at you in a corner, run like the devil is on your tail because in the process of overtaking you blindly, this chap is bound to take you down to hell with him.

5.Slow on the highway:

There is always that motorist who drives at 40 kilometres per hour when everyone else is going at more than twice the speed. It makes you wonder if they did not graduate from a driving college or they are wondering if they are on the right road to the right destination. The slow driver is one of the most frustrating things you can encounter on the highway especially as they will put you in an unfortunate situation where everyone is honking at you to get out of the way while the more impatient ones will be on your tail, at risk of bumping into you in case of sudden braking.