Sunday February 21 2010

My husband is gay

By As told to Clare Namanya by Rebbeca K

It will be seven years in March since Steven and I got married. We were in paradise until two years ago when he started changing after landing a fat job at the biggest bank in Uganda. They all change when their accounts become big; the arrogance, staying out late, the women... and honestly, I thought it was the same with him. I was lying to myself.

He started talking often of this man, Julius, a Kenyan working in the same bank. He talked about him more than he mentioned Eugene, our daughter! It never crossed my mind, not even my dreams, that Julius was my husband’s lover, considering how unheard of it is deep down in Kigezi where we hail from.

He completely lost interest in me and vehemently denied infidelity, saying he was having a rough time at work, so I left it at that. He still loved his children and provided for them but days went by without them seeing their dad yet we stayed in the same house; he came when they were already asleep and left in the morning when they were still asleep. When Bahati’s “bill” came up, Steven had no comment and whenever it was on the news, he changed channels, but i didn’t give it much thought.

The day “His Excellency” spoke is when doom befell me. He told me about George but i didnt believe it at first. It was when I went to bed that night and connected two and two that everything added up. I still kept my cool because I thought he was lying and was just tired of me. I confided in my sister-in-law, who luckily works with a telecommunications company. She traced my husband’s text messages and got me more information than I wanted.

The texts were terrifying and disgusting! It was clear that Julius was the “woman” in the relationship. After reading how they missed each other overnight and couldn’t wait to kiss, how in the basement during lunch break that week Julius was great and made good sounds... my blood pressure shot up and I woke up in AAR. My-in-law had gone to get us dinner and Steven was the first person I saw. When he leaned forward to hold me, he accidentally called me George - I lost consciousness!

I am so torn because to me, this is the worst form of betrayal and by far the most unforgivable. I have not talked to him since and even threw him out of the house because I can’t stand the sight of him. We were a model couple to our friends, who envied us, but soon the cat will be out of the bag. I don’t know what embarassment awaits me because we held together their crumbling marriages, yet ours is coming down in a different and more ashaming heap. I feel like stabbing him in his sleep!

I don’t have the answers to why he turned out like that. Heaven knows I’ve tried to be the best wife, companion and friend and don’t know if I really deserved this from him. I wish he were dead; then I would be a content widow and my children orphans.