Funny you should ask... NELSON MUHANGUZI

Susan O’chola De Roy is a Kampala socialite, which means she has a fetish for expensive things, and what’s more, she can afford them.

How much did your shoes cost?
They are from my favourite designer. I paid about £630 (about Shs2,4m) for them!

Really? That’s my salary for three years?
No, no, £630 times 3(900). What do you get? 2.4 million?
That is not three year’s salary.

You know you could buy a car with that kind of money…
My car is on my feet, I love my feet, I’m not going to put Shs20,000 shoes from Bata on my feet, no way!

How many pairs of shoes do you have?
I have got about 60 here and 80 in England.

Have you heard of Agataliko Nfuufu?
I have never watched it, but I have heard of it. A friend from the UK has a girlfriend here - his baby mama, he says all she does is watch Agataliko Nfuufu.

Have you ever eaten a rolex?
Yes, some of my friends get rolexes, late night, from Wandegeya. I have eaten a more advanced rolex, here at boda boda, they don’t call it rolex, they call it chapati wrap.

Who is your current crush?
I don’t have one. I’m not allowed to say I have a crush because I’m married.

How would you describe the police, violent, professional?
Oh my gosh! I think they are absolutely out of order, you have absolutely no right to treat another human like that. I’m a coward, I can’t even have a conversation with a policeman right now because I’m afraid of being hit.

Will you be watching shower hour?
I don’t quite enjoy looking at other people naked.

What are you like when you are drunk?
I laugh a lot. It depends on what I’ve drunk, if I drink champagne, then I’m happy bubbly, when I drink vodka, I can get a bit aggressive.

What, you beat up people?
Not physically, but I can ran my mouth, I have a lot of mouth.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you while you were drunk?
I fell. I was at Cayenne. Some girl got into a fight with my friend, and then I tried to kick the girl and she took my shoe. That was embarrassing, she took my shoe and threw it out of the gate, so I couldn’t leave with one shoe.

How do you treat your hangovers?
I have tablets that I got from London. I love alcohol so I know how to deal with it. It’s called resolve. You put it in water and drink it, and then I drink tea, Sprite or anything else that can get rid of it.

Do you read the Onion?
No, no I don’t. Honey I’m too intelligent, my parents didn’t invest all this money in me to read the Onion, or Red pepper, that’s trash journalism. I read the New Vision and Daily Monitor.

Where did you learn to write like that? It is childish, like a five year old’s...
(Laughs) I don’t need to write, I have got a P.A who writes for me, and I use a computer darling, you know the Mac pro, it spells the words for you.

Are you friends with Kanye West?
My incident with Kanye West was very memorable, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Out of seven days in a week, how many of those are you drunk?
I get drunk every weekend, I go out every Friday and Saturday, and have a major slap - that’s an English word for getting absolutely wasted.

Is that your hair?
Why do you ask? They are extensions, it is actually human hair, I got them from Brazil.