Full Woman

Diary of a working married mother :My fingers are crossed for second chances

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Posted  Saturday, December 7  2013 at  02:00

A friend of mine has just dampened my mood terribly. There is a couple, Mark and Jane (you can tell that those are made-up names, right? The people are not though) that Mr and I are close too. I admire the way they carry themselves. You can tell they are obviously in love, the things they do and say. I sometimes find myself wishing Mr and I could go back to that place, where we had few responsibilities and less worries and were all over each other all the time.

So anyway, here I was enjoying the feeling of seeing them together and all that goes with fairly newlyweds when said friend told me to stop being stupid, see the facts for what they are and in fact warn other people from getting into the position these two are in. Aghast, I asked why he was jealous but he gave me his two cents.

He asked whether I would want any of my daughters to marry a man who had a child out of wedlock. Mark has a child out of wedlock, but Jane took him as he was and the relationship between the three is amiable at worst. I told my friend it depended on the situation. He told me to remove the rosy eye glasses and put myself in the situation as realistically as possible.

“First,” he said, “what about the other woman who he has not married? What about her child, her feelings and her future? How will that affect their marriage?”

“Would you want Mark to marry her because he impregnated her and yet he does not love her? Wouldn’t that make for a terrible and sad marriage?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “But I know that it is not a good example to set for young people. It means men out there can go sleep with whomever they like, then say they do not love them and marry someone else. And how does Jane know for sure Mark will not cheat on her or do something as stupid and put her in a horrible position? Hasn’t she seen the stupid things he has done already? Let her not come crying to anyone after he does something again because she should have seen the signs already.”

At the end of the conversation, he left me feeling worried for our friends. I see his concerns but a part of me would like to believe that there are second chances and that people change for the better after going through such experiences. At least that is my prayer for Mark and Jane.