‘We need to talk.’ Oh God, now what!

If there is anything that makes a man clam up, it is the phrase “we need to talk” especially from his lover. But why, and what would they rather we said or did, when we want to talk? Benjie

Saturday July 12 2014



The way I work is either you give it to me straight up, or let things be. When you say “we need to talk”, I start wondering why you can’t talk now!
I start to think about what I might have done wrong, what you mean, and usually the guy is way off. Women need to just come up straight and say things, in real time. No occasion, no tension. If you have something to say, say it now!

We need to talk now or just forget it. “We need to talk” is my cue to clam up because I already think you are judging me and no matter what I say, you have made your assumptions. So, what is the point, I think in my mind.

That sentence is meant to make me quake and start pussyfooting around the house. Many times, I don’t even know “what we need to talk” about anyway. But my kung-fu is strong; I cannot be intimidated by terrorists...I mean, by manipulative females.

Andrew Wallace
As soon as I hear that phrase, all walls go up! It’s time to play defense…it means the “storm” is coming! I know I might have screwed up somewhere- somehow, I just don’t need a special time to talk over things.

No man wants to sit around venting and getting things off their chests with you like they’re one of your girlfriends. When we talk, and especially when we’re listening, it’s with purpose. We want to fix whatever it is causing a shift in equilibrium- and we want to fix it now!

You want to have a meaningful conversation over an issue, I say- try to subtly drop hints, ask some questions that will plant some doubt in my mind. You can say.. ‘So, about the other day..?!’ Then go on and tell me what’s on your mind.

Eugene Mugisha
That statement is alarmist. Sometimes, the case is nothing serious. Girls have used it to talk about things ranging from why I left my stockings in the kitchen, to “I think am late”, to where where you last night and who was that texting you every second.

With time, I have gotten conditioned to expecting everything and anything, but to be on the safe side, I take the pessimist approach; consider everything lost, because it is highly possible that she might be telling me she is leaving me, or she wants me to stop leaving the toilet seat up. Why can’t she just say what she wants to say straight up?

Ivan Okuda
Actually there is usually nothing to talk about. The whole suspense one is thrown into is simply gripping. Worse still, when you insist on getting a hint of that which ‘we need to talk about’ is, the person prefers to shy away or look you right in the eyes, sigh and repeat, “we need to talk.”

And when you meet and talk, you realise there was actually nothing BIG to talk about but only one of those petty things about women that can be sorted out in a whatssap message or text. We need to talk is just one of those petty trademarks of the female specie.