A case of the hen and the egg
Posted Friday, March 14 2014 at 18:15
Mantalk. The men blame women for their monstrous ways and the women, when accused of being treacherous, say it is the men’s fault. Or perhaps the monstrous and treacherous are born so. Who influences who?
None is turning the other. It is a case of the chicken and the egg; who came first, who hurt who first. From experience, women are more likely to forgive and give a second chance than men. But it is because men do not trust easily, so once lost, they may never recover. But no one is born a monster, we are all results of this system called society, that molds us even before we have a chance to make our own opinions.
Men are not dogs. They are just going with the flow. Men realised long ago that they cannot fight nature so they do not. But then again, if they tried, it would not break them and this explains those who stay monogamous in every sense of the word. Women who come into the equation with dreams of being the one who will change him are usually frustrated, so they start labelling their men dogs and trying to fight back. What we call “sweet” is just the predisposition to stay domesticated, which is not a bad thing for women. Nature calls for women to make a home and for men to be adventurous.
I think they should just quit playing the blame game. Humanity is already flawed as it is. I’m sure they too aren’t perfect. And as I might agree that some men are dogs.
Women need to understand that we don’t determine their behavior, destiny and self-esteem. These are things entirely in their control. A man will only treat a woman the way she makes him believe she wants to be treated. We are not very creative in these aspects. So, if you come off as tryfolin…watch out!!
On the other hand, can a woman have that much influence on a man? I will say, superficially, yes. She will change a way her man dresses, the way he trims his beard, what time he comes home from work and the like.
Fundamentally, she will not change how he feels about certain aspects of life like faith, relationships, marriage etc. So, as opposed to spending time trying to beat a man to his game, I suggest such ladies invest this time in bettering themselves as women.
I think both sexes have the ability to influence each other, negatively. Girls love to believe they are the good ones and that if they change, it is because the man was a dog. That is not accurate.
I know girls who say one thing in public, are in a relationship, the man is committed, but she is not. In fact, I think that because men usually screw things up, they set lower standards for trust in a relationship.
So when he trusts the girl, it is with all his heart and he will commit till the end. Now, when the girl plays him, it is back to negative zero. We are not like girls who will say “All men are the same”.
Jamie, the realist: 33. married father of two.
Eugene Mugisha: 28, the dating guru.
Andrew Wallace: 28. Recently married.
Benjie: 27. Single and around.