Saturday February 13 2016

Angela Kalule: True love came calling just as I was giving up

Angela Kalule

Angela Kalule  

By Esther Oluka

“I am a 38- year-old mother of three boys aged 15, 10 and two. I am a musician although professionally I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Information Management.

I handle information management acquisition, storage and dissemination. Singing though is what I do for a living.

I have been in a number of relationships before but, of course, I will not tell you how many. Some of the reasons the relationships did not work out are because of abusiveness and difference in goals and I just had to break them off.

In life, we set our priorities through which we get to our goals. So, if you feel that the person you are with is not in the same path with you, I do not think there is any future in such a relationship.

I remember one particular guy failed to understand what I went through, the challenges and sacrifices. When he made the ultimatum that I choose him or my music, I opted for my career which was putting food on the table.
I am, however, in a relationship now but it is an aspect I usually like to keep away from the press. He is a very special man whom I met recently through one of his family members. He is a good guy.

The things I love the most about him are that he is supportive and understanding of my work as a musician. I do not have children with him yet.

Dating as a single mom
The good bit is that my man knew that I already had children at the time we started dating and it was not an issue to him. Just like in any relationship where a single mother finds new love, the person she is dating has to know about the children immediately.

After finding out, they can either stay or leave. In my case, however, there is no way I can accept a man who dislikes my children.

Overall, it is a little bit tricky dating when you already have children. For instance, if your children are older, it might be easier for you to introduce them to your new partner unlike when they are younger.

But then, there is when the children may not like the idea of the new guy being their new “dad.” There is usually a bit of friction there.

In order to avoid or limit that, you have to prepare them by explaining that you are letting someone new into their lives. If a guy is welcoming like mine, they will definitely like him.

Lessons from previous relationships
When it comes to love, you have to understand that everything will never go your way. You have to compromise and this has to be a two way thing.

Also, there have been moments I have put myself in situations where I want to do everything in my power to please my man but along the way have lost focus and the path to my goals in life.

I have, therefore, learnt to take care of me as Angela Kalule alongside taking care of my partner.

I had come to a point where by I had given up on relationships because I honestly believed that no man could stand a female artiste.

I figured the only options available to me were marrying a fellow artiste or a popular person or celebrity or even forget about the whole marriage thing altogether.

In actual sense, a man would have to be patient enough to put up with a wife coming back home late at midnight or even at 2am on a weekend, the time she should be catering to him.

So you would only have to sympathise with such a man. But just as I was giving up on finding someone, I met my current man who is quite understanding. People will get to know him soon.

If you were to go back in time, what would you change?
Nothing, probably because I would be ignorant of the things around me now. All the mistakes I have made, the challenges I have faced and heartache I have suffered have helped shape me into the person I am now.

The Angela of today is a very cautious person, one who first looks before she leaps. I am a better person now than I was many years back.

Advise to couples on love
• Well, either way, be it the lady or gentleman; never really go out of your way to please your partner. There are certain instances that are explainable but if you lose yourself in the process, by the time you try to find your way back, you will have completely lost yourself.
• Secondly, maintain a little mystery by trying not to be an open book. Every time you expose yourself too much, you become predictable, leaving no fun in anything. Eventually you or your partner get bored and start looking for fun or adventure elsewhere.
• My third piece of advice is that couples should know that verbal fighting is okay in relationships. Those fights are healthy once in a while because there are so many things to rant about, one gets to know what their wrongs are and what one’s partner is thinking about the relationship. And if there are fences to mend, the couple will definitely work to fix them.
• Also, I would advise individuals never to stay in a relationship where you are contributing a 100 percent or a greater proportion towards maintaining or making it work. That is not a relationship or love. If you feel like you are doing the most part of it, communicate with your partner and find out what they feel about the relationship.
• Lastly, it is always good to be open with your partner. Bottling up things only tends to build resentment and once that happens, there is no way it is going to be a healthy relationship. I was once a secretive woman. I would get hurt and keep quiet but eventually, it took a toll on me in that when I let go, it was not a pleasant sight. Once again, I urge couples to often have open communication.

What Kalule has been up to…

I run a band, Kangi Band. We perform every Wednesday at Georgina Gardens in Kasubi as well as the Sheraton Hotel every Friday.

I am also trying to get back onto the music scene because I have been off for quite a long time. I would not want to disclose the reasons here. I am also involving myself in Freelanthropy that involves women empowerment and girl child education.

I also do some counselling mostly to women affected with by HIV/Aids to promote positive living in them.

But again, at an individual level, I welcome any help from any organisation or individuals who want to partner with me in promoting health campaigns, helping single parents, women emancipation, among other things.

Family and education
Kalule was born in 1978 in Mengo Hospital in Kampala and is the eldest of three siblings.

She attended school at Aga Khan Nursery Nairobi, Kenya (1979 to 1982) before joining Spire Road Primary School, Jinja (1983 and 1986), Makonzi Boarding Primary Mubende (1987 to 1989)

For high school, she went to Christ the King Secondary School, Kalisizo, between (1990 and 1992), Nakasero Senior Secondary School (1992 to 1993), Mengo Senior Secondary School and Seven Hills School until 1997.

Her real breakthrough in music came through a friend of hers named Sekibala, a member of the Virtuoso group, Diamond Ensemble, led by Kato Lubwama.

Angela joined as a backup vocalist and stayed there from 1997 to 1999, in the process transforming to lead vocalist. She released with Diamond Ensemble, her ballad single Akamuli that was a public announcement of her arrival at the scene. She followed this with a collaboration with Abby Mukiibi of Afri-Talent, on the bulemezi songs.

Valentines’ Day Plans…
There will be nothing really special for me rather than entertaining my fans. I will be performing at a show in Istanbul, Turkey alongside local artiste Sadat Mukiibi, known as Khalifa Aganaga.

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