Dear Lucy: Should I go ahead and marry an infertile man?
Posted Saturday, March 16 2013 at 00:00
We have been cohabiting for six years but want to officially get married. However, I know that my husband-to-be cannot make babies after the several tests we took. I had a child before meeting him so all is fine with me. My family has totally rejected me for my marriage plans though, yet he is pleading that I stay. What can I do?
Brenda my dear,
Congratulations to both of you for the bigger step you are considering to take in your relationship. It is clear that this whole thing has too many people involved; and as you know – three is a crowd in a relationship. Sometimes it is important for parents and in-laws to be part of a decision making process when they have been requested to offer their advice. However, allowing your family to dictate, influence or make decisions for you is detrimental to your upcoming marriage. The most important person in the decision that you are about to make is your fiancé.
Do I mean to say that family does not matter? Of course not, but what I want to emphasize is the need for the two of you to understand each other’s viewpoints right from the start. Otherwise, the foundation that you have laid for the last six years may all come to waste when you are seen to be more concerned about your family’s opinion.
Is your husband fully aware of your findings? Is it something that you have been able to go through together, to discuss and agree on as a couple? You share that you already have a child. What plans do you have for your child when you settle in your marriage? Has your fiancé had an opportunity to meet your child? Have they bonded and accepted each other? It is always sensible to look at all the options and weigh the possibilities before reality rudely sets in.
Finally, give yourselves an opportunity to crosscheck and ensure that you are on the same page. If you are, then you have my blessings, but if you are not, then “It is better to end up with a broken relationship rather than a broken marriage”. Best wishes to you for a bright future.