Diary of a Working Married Mother: Preferences

When asked who she would prefer to have dinner with, Sophie Ellis Bextor, a British singer, gave an answer that I smiled at and thought to myself, “Finally, someone thinks like I do!”

Bextor was asked whether she would prefer to have a dinner date with Nick Clegg, the UK Deputy Prime Minister or Edward Miliband, leader of the Labour Party in UK. Bextor said she would not have dinner with either of them, not because she thought they were boring or not her type of men, but because she is “happily married, thank you.”

When I peruse through different types of magazines, I tend to find these sorts of questions. Which hunk would you go to a romantic island with? Which actor would you prefer to kiss? On and on the questions go. For the single young girl, I suppose it is okay to say who they would like and why. But if you are a married woman and you quickly propose Tyler Perry or Blair Kanye West for the romantic island situation, erm, we might have a problem. This is not to say that your husband has to be the romantic sort. In fact he might not know what romance is even if it hit him in the face. But he should be the priority. He should be on the one you want to try out something intimate with.

Of course, there are days, weeks or even months when he will upset or hurt you so much you will not want to even consider being in the same room with him. But marriage is not about doing what we feel like or not doing what we don’t feel like. It is about making it work. It is about dying to self and self gratification, one of the hardest things ever, but one of the best things you could do for yourself.

There is a certain space which only your husband should be privy to, just as you should only be privy to that space in his life. When that space is invaded by other people, you are bound to lose out on how special your marriage could be, not to mention the problems it could bring.

To be honest, Mr is my preferred dinner, movie, romantic outing date and other such things. Sometimes I feel like it, sometimes I don’t. But no one is taking over his space. When I said I do, I meant that as well.

fluffca@gmail.com