Getting through those three months of maternity leave

When a mother takes maternity leave, they, like everyone else, assume they are going to get some rest. Most mothers, however, confess to getting overworked and bored in the house to the extent that they return to work more tired than they left. A husband coming home early and a caring relative at home during the time could be a relief.

“ The worst part for me was that I stopped paying attention to my physical appearance and channelled all my energy to caring for the baby.

Without work to prepare for every morning, I had no schedule so I spent a better part of the day in a lesu. With the baby totally dependent on me for his meals, I became a prisoner without the luxury of pedicures or salon.
I was also lonely. The only adult company I had to chat with was the maid. Friends visited but that was mainly in the first month, leaving me lonely in the house for the other two months.

One day I woke up and realised I had changed so much so I got a schedule that I started following. I would wake up by 7am, take a bath and do the rest of the things I was supposed to. I also learnt my baby’s sleeping patterns so I would dash off to the salon when she was sleeping.

Pauline Nakku Kigozi, Environmentalist at Nile plywood, mother of one

“ I have had to go back to work before the required three months of maternity leave because as much as I love my baby, I also need my career.

This has been difficult for me because I find her already asleep when I return. Luckily for me, my mother has been supportive. I leave the baby with her, which is a greater relief than leaving her with any other person.

The first two weeks were the most challenging because the baby used to cry a lot due to colic. The cries made me feel desperate because my efforts to soothe her seemed futile.

Thanks to my mother’s constant counsel and encouragement, I managed to get through that time. She kept telling me that it is normal for the baby to cry in the first months and that the cries would soon stop.
Fille Mutoni, Artiste and mother of one

“ My hardest experience was with my second born because he cried a lot.

My husband would try to help but the baby would cry until he was forced to leave the bedroom so as to catch some sleep in the living room since he had to work the following day. Luckily, this stopped after two months.

All the things I was advised to do to stop the crying only gave him temporary relief.

Staying home can be boring. To kill the boredom, my sisters used to come over and give me company during the day.

Samantha Nagaba, accountant at Reime Uganda Limited, mother of two

“ I like working so staying at home for three months just breastfeeding and sleeping made me feel lazy. I put all my energy in cooking and organising the house but the days seemed long yet most nights were characterised by colic cries.

My husband was helpful with the baby, especially when she cried at night, but he could only do so much because he had to work the following day.

The other hard part was that I spent most of the time at home with the baby so I was lonely. One needs books to read and more activities at home to keep occupied.

Caroline Musaasizi, Communication Specialist, mother of three

“ When I had my first baby, there were no diapers yet, just nappies. I had the challenge to keep them white, and it became more challenging during the rainy season when they did not always dry. It was even harder learning to sleep with the baby and getting used to breastfeeding.

I never slept comfortably because I was worried about smothering the baby. His colic cries also kept me awake most of the night. There was also entertaining the visitors who came during the day, when I thought I would get in some sleep to make up for the sleepless nights. That was difficult.

I coped by being positive towards the new changes and telling friends who wanted to visit to kindly come over during the weekend when my husband would be there to help out.

I had a conversation with my husband about the new changes and told him where I needed help, for example, taking turns at night so that I did not get overwhelmed.

Solome Nakaweesi-Kimbugwe, CEO at Nabageraka Development Foundation, mother of three

The help you need – expert tips

The counsellor

Beatrice Kakembo, a relationships psychotherapist at Inspirations Centre on Ggaba Road, says;
“The period immediately after a woman has a child can be perplexing. She has many worries; the responsibilities that lie ahead in regard to the new baby, getting back in shape and maintaining the relationship with her husband.

“Meanwhile, some men, rather than helping out, begin staying out late instead while others get mistresses.

In their defence, some men will say, “But you pushed me away when you were eight months pregnant and now I have to wait for two more months!” They think they are the only ones who have to wait to have sex, forgetting that it is not that a woman doesn’t want to; she is unable to.

“I would like to encourage men to be supportive as this phase soon ends. Enjoy your bundle of joy together and put its feelings into consideration. As little as the baby is, it understands people around it and requires a father’s attention too. This is the best time for a parent to bond with their baby.

“Away from the baby though, the mother needs all the physical support, reassurance and company since she is largely unable to socialise with her friends. This is the time every woman would really appreciate a man who comes back home early with flowers, takes turns with the baby at night and calls to find out how she and the baby are faring.”

The gynaecologist

Judith Stenkamp, a gynaecologist at CoRSU Hospital on Entebbe Road, describes this as one of the toughest times for a woman.

“The nights are busy since many spend the better part of the night soothing the baby from colic and yet some have house chores to do during the day. When the baby sleeps, they see this as the opportunity to organise the home or other personal belongings.

“Psychologically, they feel vulnerable which makes them prone to postpartum depression; a type of depression some women experience after having a baby.

“To get through, I recommend as much help as possible, some iron supplements and enough rest. Get an extra person to help you and nap when the baby sleeps. Prepare for this time as best as you can by educating yourself about what to expect from reading and online searches.

“To the spouses, help out as much as you can, especially when you return from work, and also take turns at night. Some women’s self-esteem also plummets during that time. Take time to talk to and reassure them.”