Groom your child into a confident individual

“When I went to the States, I was amazed by how my host’s child conversed with his father. The questions he asked and the way he answered was full of intelligence which left me wondering what my child lacked and how I could impart the same spirit in my child,” shared Manuela Pacutho Mulondo, founder of Cradle Kindergarten at a child stimulation workshop held at Kampala Parents School last month.
Pacutho shared how she started observing her US host and his child and following their conversation until she realised exactly what his driving force and source of intellect was.
She further notes that the Ugandan children are under stimulated because they are less engaged in the conversations that open up their minds since parents think there are some things to be learnt only at school.

Understanding child stimulation
“Child stimulation starts when the child is in the womb, you keep talking while touching the tummy and you will notice a reaction which means he or she is responding and this should continue even out of the womb,” says Mulondo.
She says parents should quit using unintelligible baby language to try to fit in the child’s baby talk because this will not help but instead retard the child.
Mulondo observes that a gap has been created between children from affluent families and those from average families in that those from the wealthy families are outspoken and speak more positively whereas many from average families are reserved and shy to speak in public.
Building confidence has to be done step by step and best happens in the first five years of childhood which is so crucial because what the child is taught and the way he or she is brought up is how they will continue to behave and relate even as adults.

What is important?
“Talking to a child is important when it comes to brain stimulation so talk to even babies because they can hear although they cannot respond and the more you talk to a child, there will be a connection between the both of you,” says Pacutho.
She further says that as an adult, you should not give yourself an answer when you ask a question but rather give the child a chance to answer but when they fail, you can suggest an answer for them.
“It is funny how most Ugandan children stop doing whatever they are doing immediately their parent asks them what they are doing. This is because the parents usually ask that when the child is doing something wrong and not to engage them in a conversation,” shared MP Bernard Atiku, Chairperson Uganda Parliamentary forum for children.
He says the parents need to get the child to feel comfortable enough to tell them what they need to know and this means talking politely to the child, not stopping the child from saying what they feel and also being able to answer the child’s questions however sensitive they may be.

How to start
Parents need to get this mentality of defensiveness out of their children’s mind by engaging them in a conversation. It is best to tell them about your day first then you can later on ask about theirs which is good enough to start a conversation.
Mulondo says for a baby, more communication leads to stronger brain connections hence a good relationship. Therefore, you should speak to them like they understand and this is what is called language nutrition.
A parent should enter the child’s world, pay attention to what they are doing, comment on the observation and then wait for the response. Do not provide the response because every gesture the child gives is a response.
“Do not forget to use gestures when speaking to a child because those who are very young will be able to pick what you are meaning only if you demonstrate,” says Mulondo.

Progress with patience
Parents should join in the child’s play if they are to connect with him or her. Questions should be closed not suggestive because the child has to speak her own mind.
Patience is a virtue when connecting with the child. When you ask the child a question and they do not answer, ask the question the question again. You can offer a choice of responses if they still do not answer. The best is to offer a word or two or even simplify the question.
She cautions parents against using the words they think their children can easily understand but rather use the words you want to hear your child say.
No word is complicated for a child who is constantly spoken to, so parents can even start teaching the child right from home and by the time the child reaches school, the world will think that they are geniuses yet they were just properly stimulated.

Train your child to be confident

How we speak to and respond to children determines their development. Parents should:
•Participate. Join in the child’s play if they are to connect with him or her, while doing this, take turns speaking to each other and your questions should be closed not suggestive because the child has to speak her own mind not what you want to hear.
•Use gestures when speaking to very young children
•Be patient: Ask a question over and over again, offer a clue or simplify the question if you do not get an immediate response.