Sunday February 25 2018

How to dump a guy with class

 

By Full Woman writer

By definition, of course, “dumping with class” is a contradiction of sorts. Think of the word “dump”; whether it is to do with rubbish or with bodily functions; that cannot possibly be discussed with any class. It carries the wrong connotation if you are going to apply it to someone who until recently you thought meant the world to you. But relationship experts say there is a classy way to put that person in the heap of items that should no longer take up space in your life.
The thing about breaking up is that it’s not easy for anyone. Not for the one who calls it off and certainly, not for the one who suddenly finds themselves “dumped”.

Consider this: You get into a relationship with dreams, hopes and starry eyes. You start to think forever, with every butterfly that flutters in your tummy.
Then, somewhere along the way, you meet someone else. Or you begin to find out things which hurt or make you mad… Ultimately, you get to the point when you have to tell him you cannot do this any longer.
Whatever the cause or whatever emotions you feel, the only difference between one break up and the other is how it’s done. So how do you dump a guy in the classiest way? “I do not care if you dated four days or four years,” says Stella Kamya, a counsellor. “There is a classy way to let them down and yet do it firmly.”

How to break up
The first rule, she says, is to never ever break up on the phone and especially not with a text. On the other side of the line is a real person with a face, flowing blood and pained feelings. Don’t be a coward, she concludes. Right up there on the list with that is the broadcast breakup. When Zari tells us it is over with Diamond, as if she owes the world an explanation, there are those who agree with her methods and those who do not care. To each their own, but there is a line that can be crossed. Apart from the occasional sex tape (which I suppose is a whole other lesson in class), we are not part of your innermost, private lives. Spare us the drama, details and ugliness of it all. There is a reason words like private and personal exist. Find it in your heart to apply them to your life.

So apparently, in this era of ghosts – teachers, students, refugees and equipment – there is also a concept known as ghost breakups. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so sad. Someone just stops taking your calls and moves house. You wonder if you dreamed up the whole relationship in the first place. You are saying I do not want to be with you. Say it and leave. Don’t just vanish into thin air. Have some class.
There are a million other ways to have no class in breaking up. To be rude, no matter how angry you are, says more about your tasteless manners than your anger.

To tell a blatant lie in a blame game intended to make you look like some victim is to be less than base. Stay above it. Break up with class.
You will thank yourself later when you find that that polite, honest, face-to-face conversation earns you more respect in your departing than you probably had when you first met. You will be glad that in that firmness you portray without having the world check out your dirty linen, there may be a certain degree of sorrow, but there’s all round closure. Which is what you want, right?

4 ways to break up
Tell him to his face. Dumping your boyfriend by telephone, Skype, over social media, or by email are cold approaches you should not use.
Do not ghost. When people ghost someone else, they dump them without explanation. They just vanish.
Do not lead him on. Sometimes people try to let people down so easily that they end up leading them on.
Keep it to yourself. He’s going to be feeling badly enough, so why hurt his ego more by spreading it around?

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