How they make their vows in blissful ignorance

I do not know if I have become the greatest of all pessimists, but I find it hard, extremely hard to keep a straight face during weddings; especially that part when the couple is exchanging vows and, - wait for it - they promise each other eternity.

They do this with the most serious of faces, they could almost convince you that they mean it. But of course, they mean it. Love has that effect; it disarms you and makes you disregard the obvious; that tomorrow is not guaranteed, we can only hope for the best.

The certainty with which these people tell each other these promises, one would think they have some control over the future. There should be a disclaimer; something like ‘God wishing this’.
In one of the neighbouring countries, during the civil marriage (which is compulsory, and one is not legally married unless they have sworn legally), they had a very practical way of putting their vows.

At the end of swearing, in front of all the witnesses, they would close with a phrase that translates as, ‘And so help me God in this’. Later, this part was scrapped. Apparently, it made the entire thing sound like the couple was headed into battle instead of the bliss they were told it should be. I guess the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’ found relevance here, that not even petitioning for God’s intervention (which I found to be very practical indeed) was necessary.

So, last weekend, I attended the wedding of a former workmate. One day, he simply told me his fiancé was coming. I was not even aware he had a girlfriend, but that is besides the point. She was a lovely girl indeed, and within a few months, the two were tying the knot.

I was as happy for him as I could be, and I attended his wedding with gusto. When time came for exchanging vows, his went something like this; ‘Jessica, I am very happy that today, you shall become my wife. I promise to love you forever like I love you today, and I will always romance you like you are my girlfriend”.
The word romance is used because I could not find an equivalent of what he said in English. It literally translated to ‘sweet talk you, seduce you, blah blah’, like how people do when they are deep in youthful love.

It was quite a touching speech, and I believed him, until I stepped out of church and looked at the scorching sun, saw the trees, saw a bodaboda guy almost knock a pedestrian and ride away, cursing aloud. And once again, it dawned on me that something as feeble as that love he had been talking about had no place in this world.

What we have is ‘settling’. We settle for things, compromise here and there, and over time, grow a certain tolerance, and if you are lucky, a fondness for one another that enables us to live on from day to day. And that is what we call love. However, on one’s wedding day, it simply cannot do to dwell on the futility of the situation. It is your wedding day and it must not be anything less than ideal. The declaration of love must be perfect!
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