How to protect yourself in an informal relationship

Sarah Kadama narrates that her affair with the man she would eventually live with for about 17 years started in 1993 at her father’s workshop in Jinja Industrial Area. In the 17 years Kadama claims she lived with this man, they were never legally married although she shows off invites to events where they were apparently invited as husband and wife.

The societal approval as evidenced by these invitations and the 15 or so years lived together did not save her from court’s wrath when she was ordered to vacate her supposed marital home for its new owner, “her husband’s” new and legal wife. In a court battle, Kadama was recently ordered by court to vacate the premises within seven days and also to pay its new owner Shs29m in compensation. Court argued that she did not have any lawful claim to the residential home or attached commercial premises in which she says she has operated some retail shops and other businesses over time.

In his defence, the man in question –who is now married to the new legal owner of the said property – says Kadama was his domestic worker and that is the only relationship they have ever shared.
“That is fine. In that case, I need him to pay me for my service. Shs200m should cover it. 1993 to 2010 is a long time to work without pay,” counters Kadama, who remains holed up in the house she was told to vacate, as she works with her lawyers on an appeal. “He used to tell me that we were working for the future, I never did anything for myself, not even building a hut,” she emotionally adds.

The precautions
The case brings to the fore the subject of property rights and entitlements. Alex Kabayo, a lawyer, weighs in on Kadama’s predicament;
“The undoing of Kadama’s case for her claim to the property was that she was not legally married to the man in question in any way. “This does not necessarily mean going to church and throwing a big wedding; any marriage recognised by laws in Uganda will do. This would have been the only way she could have protected or gained an interest in that property.
A Memorandum of Understanding is a document that people enter to specify their understanding in their relationship regarding things such as their duties, obligations, liabilities and assets. This might not stop the man from selling the property as happened in Kadama’s case when he sold it to his new wife, but she would be entitled to compensation at least if he did.
The only option for a woman to benefit from such a situation is to either get married or enter a sort of Memorandum of Understanding regarding the property. A Memorandum of Understanding would make things clear who owns what irrespective of your relationship.
Most women’s undoing is the fear of being labelled materialistic for bringing up topics such as signing a Memorandum of Understanding. Sometimes, when women bring up such an idea, men will ask them whether they are interested in the man or the property. The women who may be dependent on the man then chicken out, ignorant of the fact that everything can change the next day leaving them helpless.”
Your best shot is to have some a document signed to stipulate the terms of your relationship. Even having a child will not bid you anything in a relationship. It only creates obligations of the parents towards the child and binds you to fulfill their rights such good health, food, and education.

A practical example
An example of a Memorandum of Understanding is a prenuptial agreement signed before marriage where you enter into an agreement about which rights each party has and what their obligations are. Lawyer Alex Kabayo explains that here one gets to know how to treat property you accumulate during the time you are together and what is required of each of you.
It could, for instance, stipulate what to do with property acquired during the course of the relationship or property jointly acquired in case of a breakup. It also specifies the share percentages owed to each of your assets and property.