Is it a big deal how your number is saved?

Jael Kigongo, a doctor says that as long as the identifier is not derogatory or under a different name, it does not matter. Courtesy photo

What you need to know:

  • What is in a phone name? Missed Call, Big G, FFL or Mr. X, the way your partner identifies you in their phone might seem like something too petty to fuss over but it has destroyed some relationships and is seen as a window into what the other person feels about you, writes Carolyne B. Atangaza.

What is your identifier in your significant other’s phone? Have they saved you as “Babe,” “My Love” or just plain Jane/James? Flavia Damba says she never thought how her name was saved mattered until she accidentally saw it in her husband’s phone.

One Saturday afternoon, the couple’s son took his phone and disappeared. They decided to call him using the mother’s phone and the trick worked. “He brought the phone and gave it to me. To my shock, I was saved as Omutujju (terrorist). I felt my limbs go weak and I was torn about whether I should ask why he had saved me as such or just ignore it,” Damba recounts.
Robert Mugabe, a 34-year-old marketing executive says when he was still crazy about his girlfriend, he saved her as ‘Love’. This, however, changed when he checked her phone and found out he was saved as My Xrc. “I never asked her what that even meant but that X in caps made me rethink the relationship,” Mugabe explains.

Zahara Nassaka says she would be very offended if her spouse just saved her name plainly. “It does not communicate any sentimental attachment at all. I would not complain of course but yes I would be very hurt,” she says, adding that it is alright to be saved in an impersonal manner in the beginning but as the relationship grows, she expects something more affectionate.

When you are just a missed call
Jael Kigongo, a doctor says that as long as the identifier is not derogatory or under a different name, it does not matter. “You would not believe the names people give each other. I know someone who saved his girlfriend as Missed Call, another one has Big G.I saved my woman as FFL and when she found it she wanted to know what it meant. I first joked...but later told her it meant ‘friend for life’...she was wowed,” Kigongo narrates.

Brian Isabirye, a media content developer who has been married for six years says he would find it strange if his wife changed the identifier in her phone. Isabirye who is married to a workmate reveals that even at work, his wife calls him by the endearment she gave him which is also saved in her phone. “However, she changes the names depending on different situations. When with my family or her parents she calls me by my surname and with the children, it is daddy. So if I saw Brian in her phone, that would mean there is something going on,” Isabirye explains.
Charity Kwesiga is more worried about what other names might pop up in her husband’s phonebook. “I would not care if he saved me by my name or maama wa baana. But the name I dread is Panadol because that is the name given to side chicks by married men with stressful marriages and this would be a dead giveaway,” Kwesiga notes.

Godfrey Kaganzi, an IT professional wonders whether he should even be bothered that he is not saved in his girlfriend’s phone. “I have tried that trick of calling her phone when I am with her and it always comes as an unsaved number. So impersonal! It makes me shudder at the heartlessness because it makes me feel as if I do not even merit being saved in her phonebook,” he observes.
Naboth Makumbi says how people choose to identify you in their phones is their business and it does not bother him. However, he notes that it is a touchy subject for some people. “I remember one time l saved someone as Friend Mbarara. When she saw it in my phone, she complained. I told her being my friend meant so much to me that I had to highlight it. She bought it and calmed down although the relationship did not last long after that,” Makumbi recounts. He adds that he is facing the same problem with his wife because he simply saved both her names. “She keeps complaining that I should include “wife” for emergency reasons. I am yet to be convinced,” he adds.

Grace Weswala says she recently realised her husband had saved her as Kisenyi. “I was so mad because I thought he was likening me to a slum. When I confronted him, he said he had never changed the identifier from when we met since we met in Kisenyi. I just did not know how to react to that. Human beings are human beings. You just let some things slide,” she stresses.
Lillian Oyella says she does not worry about names because often, they do not mean much. “I am forever changing my husband’s name. When we quarrel, I change his name to Idiot... when we make up, I change it to Love. When I am moody I save him as stress giver. All this does not mean I do not love him or want to leave him. So yes the identifier might be an indication of how they feel about you but it alone cannot be basis for major decisions,” Oyella counsels.

Experts say
Psychologist Evelyne Kharono Lufafa says knowing that we are loved by the opposite sex is a very core social need.
As such, people are always looking for these signs however subtle. That is why a phone identifier speaks volumes. You cannot take things for granted. However, the reaction differs with age, level of education and the couple’s back story.
Usually, the younger the couple or the newer the relationship, the more they will be concerned.
An older couple may be more comfortable with general pet names as papa, mama as a sign of respect and because of the children.
Others may want to be discreet due to security reasons.

It is important for spouses to use a pet name that would not bring ill feelings and in case one chooses a particular pet name and it is nice to do it while keeping in mind what your partner will feel or feels about it. If you do not have any, it is okay to use their favourite name.
This has a lot to do with how the couple understands each other’s love language.
Sophie Gombya, a marriage counsellor advises couples not to give such a small issues too much significance. However, she says it is okay to calmly ask your partner to consider changing the identifier especially if it is disrespectful or hurtful.