Man Talk: How do you want a woman to handle your money crises?

It is true that a man becomes a totally different person when they are broke. How can a woman avoid worsening the situation?

Jamie
You can help by dropping the judgmental I-told-you-so attitude that usually puts the man in a flight mode. She can help by providing solutions instead of dwelling on bygones and spilt milk. By the time a deal has gone sour, the man has already been battered emotionally and the last thing he wants is the drama of a woman who comes off like she has never made a mistake in her life. Yeah, it is laughable, isn’t it? Though there are men with a bright disposition who will see the funny side of it and laugh along. Bygones are bygones and so on and so forth.

Many times, men do not want to open up about a deal gone bad because they will get doom and gloom like there is no way out of the pit. But that is how men operate, they are always falling down, dusting themselves off and starting over. Even after this particular debacle, she can be sure there will be another. It is part of being a man; being adventurous and daring. If the world says, “this cannot be done” we want to be the first to change that belief. So we go out and try.

Benjie
As long as she does not start the whole “I warned you” talk that women love to resort to when a man’s crisis is a result of his actions, it is fine. Now, I do not know how this works with marriage but there are times I have got money from my girlfriends with the mutual knowledge that I will not pay it back while on other occasions, I have actually borrowed and the expectation is that I will be paying it back.

The problem, I think, is with striking a balance between me getting the help I need and saving my ego from being punctured. And I am saying this as a guy with more female friends than males but that balance still eludes me.

I do not feel the same ease receiving money from a girl as I do with boys.

Eugene Mugisha
Well, gentlemen, thank you for your views, and I must say they indicate the fix we often find ourselves in. My opinion is slightly different:

A man has the responsibility to establish financial security for his woman. Once in a while, things will get tricky, that is life. In this situation, I like the other guys said, I would expect her to bail me out, but I should not expect it to become a habit. The sulking comes in because of insecurities, she should manouver around that, and try to hold the fort till things are abit easier.

The Guys:
Benjie, the liberal: 26, single and around
Eugene Mugisha: 27, “the dating guru”
Andrew, just Andrew: 28, In a relationship
Jamie, the realist: 34, married, with two children

fullwoman@ug.nationmedia.com