Saturday June 7 2014

No, you can’t visit

By Gigi

It was an uneventful week untill I received a call from one of my numerous acquaintances. He wanted to see me and by that he intended to visit my home. Then he followed it up with a call that he was in my neighborhood.

By now you know me. I have issues more than the UN, but the biggest is that matter of a man visiting my home. As far as I am concerned, it is one of those things that should be left for later rather than sooner in the relationship.

The visit is not to be confused with the home drop off which means basically stopping at the gate or this being Kampala, the muti gwa fene, which marks the beginning of the plot of land on which the bu rentals the said woman lives.

That is a topline practice that can start with the first date and should continue untill infinity or until the girl acquires a car, whichever comes first. Let us not even go into the reasons I simply hate the idea of spending those first dates indoors, be it at his home or your home. Seriously this practice is for the poor, cheap or those whose intentions are mainly a quick bang which are all deal breakers.

Let us just focus on a man who makes plans which involve your house. I always end up thinking that most likely there is something wrong with his accommodations. Maybe he lives in a muzigo somewhere with five others, or he still stays at home or with a relative. Or even worse and most likely he has a live in or a generally known spouse thus another woman cannot be seen in the environs to his home.

I think my weekend caller falls in the last category. The one time he gave me a lift in his car, I gathered irrefutable evidence. A lip balm was rolling around in the glove compartment. Not the utilitarian boring ones, the metrosexual man may use but a pink fruit strawberry flavoured one. There was also a woman’s perfume. Obviously a woman in a moment of foresight left these things there to mark her territory.

I do not know about other women, but I find it hard to respect or trust a man that wants to visit my house right off the bat. Why not wait for an organic natural progression untill you are invited?

Experience has taught me these visits are never fun. From the pressure of knowing the idiot is judging my every move, to the very real danger of date rape, to being bored silly out of my head!

At least if these things happened at a neutral location, I can get up and go home but what of when they happen at my home? There is nowhere to go!