Full Woman

Setting comfortable limits for his guests

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By LAWRENCE OGWAL

Posted  Saturday, February 1   2014 at  02:00

In Summary

His friends. It is one of the complexities of love relationships, how to strike a balance between retaining your autonomy as a woman in the home without interfering with a man’s friendships. But, it can also be a source of conflict if ignored.

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Men are fond of having long-time best friends they often hangout with, in the bar, or even at home. While this would not be wrong, I must admit (in my capacity as a man), that sometimes we overstep our boundaries, staying too late or visiting too often.

As a single guy, I can understand how tempting it is to sometimes stay behind at the friend’s who has a proper home and family because I’m assured of clean air around the house and a decent meal.

The wives in these homes are meanwhile left overburdened but wondering how to reclaim their territory without coming in between the man and his friends. If the man of the house never notices or takes matters into their own hands, the friends are usually comfortable enough to show up even when he is nto around. But sometimes, even the man does not know how to break the pattern.

Michael’s tips
Michael Ssekandi, a businessman and father of two children, says: “I only invite my friends over for special occasions like the children’s birthday parties and some other small parties I hold at home. I take my home as a place where I have special time with my family. I meet my friends and spend time together only when we are watching football matches, especially after work in the evening.

“My wife also doesn’t let my friends in when I’m not around, since there is no reason to sit around when I’m not there. She only calls and lets me know afterwards.”

Counsellor’s tips
David Kavuma, a counsellor at Mildmay, advises that a man draws boundaries and put up rules regarding his friends and his family life. “It is the man’s responsibility to control how often his friends visit and how they should behave when they do.
One of these regulations should be that they do not visit when you are not there,” he says, and adds; “It spares you all a lot of possible complications.”

While as a woman at home you may be obliged to host his guests, set limits starting with how you relate with his friends, and inform him the moment you begin to get uncomfortable with any of his guests.

the errors
•Thinking they are not in wrong and are not answerable to anything
•Coming up when they are drunk and staggers in front of the children.
•Wanting to pick up a fight with the wife even in the presence of the children.
•To others, they think men do everything wrong.
•Coming back very late in the night even when they are not from work.

Sound off:What disturbs me about his friends
Most of them do not know their boundaries. They do not know where they have to stop when they come to his home, and others will want to stay till late in the night when the family wants to be together.
Esther Nakyanzi a, teacher

Most men are immoral. Once they are introduced by their friends, they may want to hit on their friend’s wife. At times, this happens and you get afraid of telling him what his friend is doing.
Susan Nakimuli, nurse

Men’s friends think because they are best friends, they should visit whenever they want. Some do not even keep calm or respect the home or the woman. They make themselves overly comfortable as if they are in their own home.
Grace Akankunda, Businesswoman