Single in the City: Of twins and loose acquaintances

A guy I will call Robert is the bee in my bonnet this week. (Not that bonnet, get your mind out of the gutter). He is what I call a “loose acquaintance” that I thought was quite attractive on first encounter. Second and third and a chat with my good friend Diana, and he just lost his appeal.

I can say it was more my fault than his. I assumed his tall dark looks belied an intense guy inside. He turned out to be shallow, boring, whinny and really unispiring. Am I perfect? No, but at least I am not boring and superficial. Him being a typical clueless man, he thinks he can revive the interest. I know this because every other time, he will talk about how he has missed me and act all territorial if we are around other males. I am annoyed by his behaviour but suspecting that a rebuttal from me would mean an all-out war of words with him, I have resorted to the lower but much less dignified road of dodging him.

Until last week when we found ourselves at the same party. He wasted no time in smothering me with his presence and overpowering (cheap) perfume. He practically displaced someone else at my table, inserted himself and started regaling us with tales. “Oh I have been so busy at work with the country manager away. They are forcing me to replace him. Oh, it is so stressful”... It was awkward. So awkward that the rest of the table just picked out the best bits of the meal then made a run for it and it was just the two of us. I was still debating on whether listening to all that yammering was worth finishing the delicious fish fingers.

At this point he was organising “plot” for the weekend, “You can come to my house and cook. Or, I can come to your house and you cook, or we could…” never mind. It all involved me cooking and he showing me how much he missed me. Then he said the most random thing. He asked me to give him twins. And he looked serious! I choked on that last morsel of the fish fingers. Give him twins? Excuse me? Did he hear that I am the keeper and dispenser of twins? That I have a store full of twins to dish out?

I asked him these questions and more as I polished off my plate then walked away wondering how on earth I ever noticed him let alone spoken to him. Of course that was the end of loose acquaintance Robert.

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