Saturday July 5 2014

Single in the city

By Gigi

You know he’s broke if…
What I’m about to share was inspired by a friend’s complaints that she repeatedly ends up with the worst quality men this town has to offer. I have long thought she is even worse at picking them than me. She manages to attract the most broke, cheapest fellows within a 360-mile radius.

She only realises when she has paid for all their dates five months in, or the third time the man asks her for transport or airtime.

I always believed there was no instinct stronger in women than that of detecting a man’s financial status. But apparently, some women do not have it. Out of the kindness of my heart and a meddling know-it-all attitude, I offer to share my knowledge on how to detect a man is broke.
It should not have to get to the asking you for transport stage. Here are some tips:

He wears earrings
If there is anything that says “I am broke as hell” and “I am wearing all my earthly possessions,” it is jewellery on a man’s ears. I know sometimes they look damn cute but ladies, it is a trap. All that glitters on a man’s ears is just cheap glass. There is nothing here for you girls. Keep moving.

He overshares his pictures on social media
Show me a man’s social media profile and I will tell you who he is. If all he does is send you pictures of himself in different poses on social media, believe me, he is broke. It is simple logic. Men who have a little money and self-respect post about their projects, achievements and so forth. Their shares are all about cars, houses, money and hustling.
If all he shares are selfies with a blank background, or on some secondhand cartoon bed sheets, nyabo, watomera, like the French say.

He is jobless
This is the same thing as him saying he is a model, a masseuse, a hair stylist, a personal shopper, a gym trainer or something like that. Cavort with him at your own risk and do not complain when it costs you. Literally. Of course, it is different if he owns any of the above named establishments. Then he is an entrepreneur.

He has a “we” mentality on spending
He is broke if he uses a plural pronoun when he is talking about spending money. “We bought Baileys in Governor at Ushs400,000,” is an example of a sentence that should be your cue to run screaming. He is definitely broke and just moves in a pack of better heeled friends. Be keen women. Shine your eyes o (insert Nigerian accent).