The morning of the wedding

Messing up traditional expectations is one of those things that will mess up your day. Yet, little known about is the cultural expectations from different tribes the morning of the wedding day when a bride leaves her parents home to be married. Christine Katende explores different cultural expectations.

The Baganda:
Senga Madinah Kateregga

“That day, the girl has to come from her parent’ home. Previously, girls lived at their parents’ home till the wedding day, but even today, when some have already moved out of home, they have to come home a day before the wedding day. Before this day, a traditional wedding ceremony where the bride officially presents her husband to be to her clan for acceptance and payment of dowry has to have been held.

The morning of wedding, the in-laws to be are expected to bring what is called kasuze katya, entailing paraffin, a funnel, match box and a lamp to the girl’s home. A girl cannot leave the house before these items are delivered to her home.

A mock fight, which is inreasingly being left out of the process with the more modern families, is staged between the in-laws to be and the girl’s brothers and nephews. The latter try to prevent the girl from leaving while the former, having paid dowry, insist on taking their bride.

The fight usually ends in the girl’s brothers and nephews beating the in-laws, who then have to pay money to convince them to be let into the home and get the paraffin into the house, without which they cannot take the girl. The other alternative is to come very early as the brothers sleep and hence avoid the fight.

They introduce themselves and greet the bride’s parents and relatives the moment they enter the house, inquiring about whether the bride slept well.

The bride in the meantime
Before the in-laws come in, the bride would have been bathed by the aunt (Senga) or the grandmother. As she moves out of the room, her mother ties a white cloth around her waist, which is later unwrapped only by her husband, the only person who should see her nakedness.

Afterwards, the bride comes to the sitting room to meet her parents. She takes turns sitting on her father’s, mother’s and grandmother’s laps, each of whom bids her farewell with a tot of wisdom on how to handle marriage, reminding her that when she goes, it is for good. The act of sitting on the laps is, however, to also emphasise that although married, she will still be regarded as a child in her father’s house.

At this stage, most daughters, and even some mothers, cannot help but shed tears as the fact that they will now be separated begins to sink in.

It is time to leave now and her grandmother carries her on her back and takes her out of the house. She shortly brings her back to the house, to show the girls that even after they are married off, they have to find time to visit their parents, where they will always be missed and needed.

Afterwards, she is requested to carry firewood, a pot and a knife as she moves out and back to the house. The meaning isnthis is that she has to cook and fetch water for husband, take care of him, as well as her parents.

She later bids her family farewell and leaves with her new family to be.

Christine Mukiite, Bugisu
It all starts on Thursday when the bride is taken to the bedroom where she is to spend the rest of the days before her wedding day. The family prepares food for the community members as the aunt of the bride goes on with the work of counselling her.

On Friday, family members bring gifts because there will be no time the following day, since the bride will be going to church. The aunt or uncle of the bride gives her a goat, to wish her fertility and many offspring.

On Saturday morning, people wake up at around 4am to prepare breakfast for the bride and other family members as the aunt bathes the bride. After that, the bride’s aunt gives her final marriage tips before she leaves the bedroom where she has been for the last three days.

The water that is used to bath the bride is always mixed with raw pawpaws to brighten her skin. Because all the wedding preparations on the bride are supposed to be done from home, the aunt dresses up the bride as her matron applies makeup on her face. Then, her brother takes her to the church and hands her over to the husband.

Charles Okello, Lango
The aunt wakes up very early and bathes the bride. In this, she is shown how, as a married woman, she should take care of her personal hygiene. The aunt also takes time to comfort her so that she does not panic, advises her on how to control herself in cases where the husband wrongs her, and the like.

By 7am, the aunt takes the bride to the salon before she is taken to church to take her vows. But, usually before that day, in-laws from both sides meet at the groom’s parents’ home and discuss their children’s lives. It is in this meeting that the couple is advised on how to conduct themselves in a marriage.

Most important is that the couple keep away from each other three days before the wedding.

Rachel Nabirye, Busoga
This is largely similar to that of the Baganda. The bride is kept indoors for a week, during which her aunt teaches her about marital responsibilities and virtues of self-conduct, husband respect, among others. Early that morning, breakfast is prepared for her before the husband comes to take her. Usually, the in-laws to be bring paraffin, a lamp and a match box as a sign of thanks. This indicates that her parents used to spend money on such things while raising her and now, they bring them to show their gratitude.

The bride is handed over to the man to be taken to the salon after handing these items over to parents. But before the in-laws come in, the bride sits on parents’ laps as they give her their final words of wisdom. Then, is when it is imparted on her that she is now grown up and married, and should conduct herself as thus.

ckatende@ug.nationmedia.com