Saturday February 22 2014

What a man really wants in his woman


By Carol Nabowa

It is no rare occurrence that a man will leave his wife with whom he has had six children and fall for a young girl that already has three men at her disposal.
It is no secret that a man will have a child with a woman he does not plan to ever marry or have in his life. He would prefer to have the child with her but not have to see her day in day out.
A man will be in a seemingly stable relationship with a woman for five solid years but get married within a month to a woman he had a fling with in the past. It does not just bother the mind but also leaves every woman, whether victim or spectator, wondering what men really want in a woman.
We talked to a few men and they expressed what they want in a woman.

Men want women who will listen to them
Patrick Mugabi, a project consultant, is single and searching. For him, the ideal woman should be:
A good listener. Most women are not good at this and put emotion above listening to what the man has to say.
Women should also trust men a bit more.
Straight forward. I want a woman who will tell me exactly what she wants and expects of me. She should not be a hypocrite or liar. When I learn of her desires, I can work around fulfilling at least 70 per cent of them.

For example, if you tell me you love going out and I do not, I shall work around that and ensure we go out at least half the times you want to hang out.
Principled. I want a woman who has values and principles but is not too proud. She should be respectful, faithful and honest.

Women should stop playing around with men because as a man, when you love a woman, you give her all your attention and you can do anything for her. When she breaks this trust, she breaks it forever. Women need to understand that men know when they are being played.

Men want a woman with a good heart
According to Mike Atwooki, a husband and father of two, the ideal woman should have the following qualities:
Good on the inside. A woman that is good on the inside can never go wrong because even after she has lost all her beauty, the inside will glitter on. You cannot “salon” the inside, so, she must have a good heart.

Harmonious. I like a soft-spoken but also peaceful and lively woman. There are soft-spoken women on Speke Road but they are rough on the inside. Those are not the women I’m referring to. By soft-spoken I mean the words that leave the woman’s lips should bring forth warmth, peace and kindness. That is the kind of woman who calms you down at the end of a long day and makes your house a home.

Intellectual. When we get children, I want to be assured they will have some brains. We do not need foolish women who will not reason situations out. You make a small mistake and she is packing with your children. Men are attracted to reasonable women.
Peaceful. Whatever happens, I want a woman who gives me reason to yearn to return home, a peaceful home. No man wants a quarrelsome woman.

Engage in the home. She should prepare my best meal, iron his shirts, be warm, be herself around him and be home before him. Even when you have a maid, do not let her serve his meals; do it yourself. Even if you feel tired, go the extra mile because it charms him to do these things so instead of thinking about how well the house maid takes care of him, he will be thinking of you. Even when he wears the shirt you have ironed, he will feel your presence.
Constructive friends. She should have good friends and avoid bad company. For like the Bible says in 1 Corithians, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.” Friends reflect one’s character. For example, if I had a friend who bore a child out of wedlock and those are the stories I talk to my wife about, it reflects badly on me.

Traditional woman. I need a woman who can cook well for me. There is a saying that a woman who can cook well is good in bed. By traditional I do not mean she should wear a gomesi, she can dress skimpy but reserve a level of decency.
Respect. She has to respect me in every aspect and let me be myself. For example, if I love playing video games, she should let me be.
Trustworthy. She should be able to trust me. If she doubts or invades my privacy by checking my phone, it is irritating.

Available. I need a woman who is willing to spend time with me, someone whom I can talk to any time and whom I can go out with. I should be able to share anything with her. Not that she has to give me a solution but she should be available.

Feminine. Do not see his friends at home and begin betting with them about which team is going to win the match. You can do that with him but not with other men.
Understanding. She has to understand the different scenarios and situations in my life. For example, I act on the side and I do kiss women in the dramas. She has to understand I am acting and not cheating on her. She should understand when I am home late.

The mothers men want for their children
On the other hand, David Asiimwe a youth pastor who is married with two children explains that men want women who are responsible and take charge of the family’s day-to-day activities. The ability to make decisions, and to train and look after the children. She should carry herself as a mother and not a young girl starting with the way she dresses, able to garner respect among fellow women.

“As wives, men want women who are respectful, loving and submissive. Be ready to give the man his space and, of course, the number one thing he needs; sex,” says Asiimwe. He adds, “When we are still just dating, girlfriends for most of us are to hang out with and provide love. She provides a cool environment and give the man sex, of course.”

Simply put, no man, therefore, wants a quarrelsome woman.
Whatever happens, home should be where a man wants to return because there is peace. It is a woman’s role, for the greater part to create this peace. Find a different way of addressing issues without biting off his head.

Some men want women who will pray with them and the family, reassuring the man that they have their support. It gives a man great confidence going about his duties with the knowledge that he has an intercessor in his wife or woman.

Understanding and able to listen.
Men want women who can be their best friends. This means a woman they can have a conversation with, who will understand and appreciate their strengths and weaknesses, taking time to listen and offer counsel.

Others include;
• An attractive women since men are visual. They appreciate the effort to try and remain fresh, clean and good looking and detest women who give up on their physical appearance.
• Disciplined, respectable women.
• They hate a woman with a “loose” tongue, and prefer you remain the woman they fell for, in as many aspects as possible.

What will push him away
Amongst the many things women do to tick men off, there are a few that emasculate them making them feel weak, small and without control. Andrew Maahe, a businessman, says some of the things women do that make men feel small include;
Arguing with the man in public. If the man is wrong, a woman should not do this.
Comparing the man with her ex-boyfriends.

Women bring visitors home without asking for permission from their husbands. Most women just inform their spouses but do not ask for permission.
Amos Tamusange, an engineer says; “Men feel small when women take over their roles like providing for the family and not trusting the man to find a way out.” Other things that make a man feel emasculated include; talking about his weaknesses in public, ridiculing his earnings and “member”, making him feel like a failure and calling him a coward.