So a couple of women were discussing first dates and one thing stood out –the things men do that turn them off. Things like answering the phone and being selfish came up. To even out that discussion, are there things that we do during during dates, first or otherwise that put you off?
First, I must admit I haven’t been on a first date in a while. But I know what irritates me.
1. When people talk to me, I pay attention, look at them and listen.
Somehow, I’ve come to expect the same treatment. Problem is, when she decided to multitask, me with the phone. That’s pretty annoying.
2. I am not the kind that asks questions. I am a conversationalist but I also don’t like girls who talk too much, about themselves, work problems, how their ex cheated on them, what they got in PLE and also, ask too many questions and make me feel like I am being weighed. Asking about my best colour, what brand my toothbrush is, what I ate last night, etc.
Observe. Do not turn the date into a Q&A session.
Dates can be awkward! You ever been on a date with a slightly older chic.. and you’re talking ,having a good laugh, then once she finds out how old you actually are, she starts to shutdown on you.
There is this evident wave of disappointment that runs through her- and you can tell because all of a sudden, she starts to withdraw herself as though regretting why she came out!
And you’re thinking- we just ordered drinks- grandma! How about we move past my not being ‘of age’ and just have some fun! How about you focus on the possibility of getting a new friend!
First date and things that put one off! Tight one. Tight because there are things you will do and some people won’t take offence as long as you do not cross the invisible red line of bearable (perhaps some people are just too bearing and understanding).
Then there are those small things you will do and a man or even woman will build a mountain out of an anthill over. And yet people are different. What pisses Brenda off may not piss of Derrick on a date. My verdict is that it depends on the person coz duh!
If I said it’s her picking the phone, should a woman miss the next life changing phone deal because of a date? If it is greeting every Ob and Og that passes by, should she not say hi to lost pals because of a date? So, unless these things cross the red line (which depends on each of us), everything is fine.
A lady who texts from start to end of the date is a put off but one text is not bad. Even two. A lady who will talk to every pal who passes by is ok but if it takes ten minutes of talking to the other person, then the line has been crossed.
I have not been on many ‘dates’ as in the sense of the word. Many times, I have gone out with females like, ‘eh, fam, let’s hook up for chai at 6.’ and then only later to ask myself, “Are we on a date?”
But I would be irritated if my date decided to turn the occasion into an interview or an inquisition, for that matter.
People do not have to be potential life partners and definitely we shouldn’t look at others as though they will be our next cash cow. People have quirks, just as we do and the name of the game is coexistence. I am not saying a woman should just smile through bad upbringing and hygiene but on a first date, people should not get overly critical.