‘Women say I’m a handsome man’

MATHIAS WALUKAGA

Sir Walukaga, please start by telling us the type of woman who attracts you.
Three qualities; a beautiful face, a nice figure with good curves (particularly with a sizable bottoms) and with all her toenails intact. As long as those three are there, I can make adjustments for the rest, even correct her if she is ill-mannered.

Sir, that leads us to the rumour that you love your women. Please tell us how true that rumour is.
Hahaha. Whoever told you that! But they didn’t lie to you. I really love my women, and they love me too. Only I won’t tell how many they are or what status they officially hold in my life.

Does that mean you are married, cohabiting, dating, “freelancing”…?
Don’t ask about my standing with my women. The simple and sufficient truth is that I love them and they love me.

Is singer Remah Namakula one of those women? There was a rumour that you were disputing with Eddy Kenzo over the fatherhood of her baby.
I know nothing about Remah Namakula, so I won’t talk about her.

Okay, may be tell us how many children you have been able to sire from your women.
I have a sufficient number of children. But I can’t say the number, because I’m a pure and cultured Muganda man who doesn’t count children as per the traditions of the tribe.

So, you have children with several women. Isn’t that improper?
There is nothing improper about it. For no true man can have children from just one woman, or rather no true man can cross his genes with genes from a single family. What if it turns out that the single woman you are fathering children with carries very undesirable traits/genes, such that the children she gives you don’t amount to much?

That means women really love you. Perhaps tell us what exactly they say most attracts them to you –besides your fame and wealth?
Haha... Women say I’m a handsome man, and I think they are rather right. They especially say they like my neatly-shaved Channel-O beard.

As a handsome celebrity, we assume you have many women stalking you.
I have thousands of those, I meet them in all sorts of places. They often make my life hard such that I have to sneak out of a place, say by leaving my car behind and going off in that of a friend.

Some more crazy things those women stalkers have done to hook you?
There are those who suddenly call my number or WhatsApp me seeking appointments and expressing their love.
I have heard many of them even pay to get my number. Ah, and there are those who instead of tipping me with money when I’m on stage, hand me chits with their phone numbers written on.

Do you ever call them back?
Hahaha…Problem is I never have a clue who gave me their number, whether they were pretty or not. At least if they handed me their pictures along with the numbers… Hehehe.

That brings us to the kind of woman you can’t stand at all.
That is a woman who utters obscenities. It not only shows that the woman lacks dignity, it also indicates that the woman comes from a very pour background, that she was badly raised.

Which famous or popular local woman do you admire most?
My mother. For me, she is the most famous and most popular woman I know and admire.

And the most heroic thing you’ve ever done for a woman in the name of love?
I have done many heroic things for women in the name of love, but for me the greatest has always been deciding to father a child with a woman and actually doing it. That is heroic!

PHONES AND MARRIAGES

What do you think is the problem causing marriages to fail a lot today?
I think the biggest problem is the mobile phones, especially the smart ones. You see, these phones come with all these applications such as Facebook and WhatsApp, which make it easy to connect with other people for extra marital affairs. In fact, in villages where these gadgets are scarce, marriages are still intact.
And the advice you give to women to make their marriages last?
The situation is too bad I can’t even find any advice to give. Let God just help us.