Sunday October 23 2011

By the way-Questions to ask at a job interview

By Peter Kakoma

Many times in my life I have found myself sweating behind the ears because of an impending job interview. You spend the night up memorising all these nice things to say to ensure you get the job. It is a very trying time I tell you. Throughout this hard situation, no one takes time off to think about the interviewer. He/she too is probably in some house in Kampala tossing and turning in bed, wondering what questions to ask to ensure that the best person is picked for the job. I am here to help that interviewer get some sleep. I present top-notch questions to throw at the interviewee.
Interview question: If you were in a jungle and a hungry lion attacked you, what would you do?

Possible answer one: I would run
Analysis: This person will make a wimp for an employee. Do not hire him/her unless you are the kind of company that prides itself in having spineless, hen-pecked employees. Such a workforce is especially useful if your company thrives on working employees like horses on steroids and paying them with cowrie shells.

Possible answer two: Stand and fight it
Analysis: This person will be a liar at work. Do not hire him/her. This is the kind of person who’ll migrate office furniture to his/her home and relocate that TV in your company boardroom to his bedroom. Six months after hiring him/her, your office will have no spoons, forks, staples, door knobs and in extreme cases, doors. Only hire this person if you plan to sell the company to a politician in the near future.

Interview question: Can you play a guitar?
Guitar-playing skills are very useful at work especially after lunch when morale is low and everyone is asleep. My apologies, not everyone sleeps at work after lunch. After lunch at work, everyone is asleep …except the boss. The boss leaves for a massage at the spa next door. It is not possible to sleep during a massage after lunch, I have been told as much.

Possible answer one: No, I can’t play a guitar
Analysis: This person would make a useless employee, only good for finishing company sugar by taking too many cups of tea and then taking sugar home wrapped in company headed paper. Hire him/her at your own risk.