A warning to donors

After learning that donors had ganged up against our government, suspending aid because of the raging corruption scandals in the public sector, we met in our bar in Kireka and agreed to write a hard-hitting communiqué to the donors, warning them against meddling in our affairs. As usual, the deliberations were chaired by Alfredo and below is our missive

LETTER FROM KIREKA.

Dear donors (and we use the term ‘donors’ with reservation), we, in Kireka, have learnt with a heavy heart your decision to cut aid simply because of a few corruption scandals in some of our government departments. We think this decision is ill-founded, a travesty to justice and has the fingerprints of neo-colonialism written all over it.

To begin with, why the pretence that you were unaware that corruption is part of our African DNA? The sudden manner in which you reacted because a few individuals in the Prime Minister’s office had pocketed some of your Pounds and Dollars (plus we think Euros) looked like it was the first time you were coming across the term graft.

When your forefathers came to discover the “Dark Continent”, as Africa was known then, they were aided largely by some of our own. You know that many of our chiefs took bangles and bracelets in return to aid your forefathers ship our brothers and sisters to your sugarcane plantations in Europe and America. That must have told you something about us. We are inherently disposed to even sacrifice our own if it means us getting something as small as a bangle or necklace.

That is why we nearly died of laughter when we saw you, our so-called donors, froth at the mouth because some of our own brothers and sisters had reportedly “eaten” billions in the Global Fund and GAVI—instead of procuring drugs for millions of ordinary Ugandans. If we could trade our sons and daughters into slavery, why should chewing millions meant for drugs surprise you?

And why also should you act like you have made a new discovery just because a couple of billions meant to help thousands of people coming out of a war in northern Uganda went into constructing personal cathedrals in Kampala’s leafy suburbs? The problem with you donors is you fail to connect the dots. If you did, the shock you are experiencing now would never happen.

But there is something you also fail to appreciate. When individuals steal some of your money, the most likely project they will undertake is build apartments in upscale Kampala. Ultimately, it is these apartments that you and your colleagues in either the NGO world or expatriate sector end up renting during your sojourns here. How do you think those beautiful lake-side cottages you relax in could have come up if some of your money had not been diverted? The hundreds of peasants in camps in Gulu and Kitgum can wait, Kampala is still developing.

But as a sovereign state, we also take exception at these threats you keep spewing at us. In fact, we have issues calling you donors because in reality, it is us who are donors. Just look at how much you pay for our raw coffee and later how much we pay when you return it here packaged in shiny containers. All you do is grind it and add some aroma and we fork out 10 times the money you gave us when you bought it raw. So, who is donating to whom?

Importantly though, have you seen us raise our voices whenever you people have your own scandals? When politicians in the UK were accused of abusing their positions and misusing taxpayers money (one reportedly paid her hubby for his conjugal services), did you see African countries meeting to craft a “joint position” on that scandal and yet like illustrated above, we actually are your donors too?

Like Comrade Robert Mugabe said one time to UK ex-prime minister Tony Blair, “No one has the right to stand on an imaginary Mt. Sinai and issue commandments to Zimbabwe the way Moses did to Israelites.” Similarly, no one has the right to issue edicts to Uganda, the way Moses did to those Jews.

Finally, treat this as a warning. We all know how you guys in Europe are struggling. Look at Spain and Greece. In fact, we have Ugandans who are richer than the Greek government. If you people keep pushing us hard, you know that China is waiting in the wings. We might be forced to shift our attention (and resources like oil) to China, which as you know does not pay attention to these small matters of accountability, democracy blah blah. So, stand warned!

dwanyama@gmail.com