ATM users

Now that certain banks decided to do away with doors in ATMs, our ATM habits are out in the open for all to see. From my extremely unscientific survey, these are the most common types of ATM users you will encounter:

The supplicant: This kind of ATM user approaches the machine as a barren woman or jealous co-wife would approach the village witchdoctor’s shrine-with a mixture of fear, trepidation and hope. The supplicant approaches the ATM with the card already in hand and stands reverently before the machine for a minute, silently pleading with the gods that this venture will be a fruitful one. After keying in the pin number, the supplicant is too afraid to check his balance so he immediately requests the lowest denomination of cash indicated on the screen.

If the satisfying noise of notes comes through, our supplicant loosens his death grip on the edge of the ATM and wipes off the sheen of sweat that had gathered on his brow. If the request is denied, our supplicant will steady himself for a minute or two before leaving the booth with a persecuted and miserable look on his face. Supplicants tend to roam from one ATM to another, hoping that one of the machines will have mercy on them, so do not be shocked to see them at three different ATM booths in three different parts of the city in one afternoon.

Angry Asiimwe: Angry Asiimwe enters the ATM booth bristling with nervous energy. The various pregnant problems hanging over his head make it impossible for his facial muscles to relax. He punches in his pin number and quickly checks his balance. This is followed by a very dark look, swearing or a hiss through sucked-in teeth. Angry Asiimwe goes ahead to withdraw what he can and snatches his cash from the machine the minute it pops up. He rarely, if ever, collects his receipt before storming out of the booth to attack his problems with the cash he has been lucky enough to get.
Next week we will look at the remaining types of ATM users: Ditzy Doreen and Velma the Villager.

[email protected]