Life

Beating traffic 101

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By Peter Kakoma

Posted  Sunday, July 27  2014 at  01:00
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Our country is in a hurry. Every single person is in a hurry somewhere. To work, to clock-in and leave to ‘chase a deal’. To school to sit as teachers go on strike. To the gym to sweat a bit. To the bar before happy hour is done. To the bank to join the beautiful queue just before the bank closes. To get home to watch a soap opera. To the club before the free-for-ladies-before-midnight ends. To get to that job interview. We are in a hurry. Anyone who says that this country is slow is not informed. We are like bullets.

Our mad rush has one tiny challenge though— the traffic. It slows us down. It won’t let us prosper. It won’t let us get to our meetings on time. It consistently makes sure that we get to everything at least 30 minutes late. Traffic, when it was born, swore a solemn oath to make the lives of Ugandans slower. It really has it in for us.

Here’s the thing though; traffic does not have to be your sworn enemy. Here are a few tips on how to subdue it and show it who’s boss. These are sure ways to waltz through traffic like a VIP at a crowded concert.

Lean forward
While driving, you can will your car forward so that you get to our destination faster by leading forward. If your windscreen is getting foggy from your breath, you are on the right track. Thing is, the cars here move faster when you lean forward in them.

Hoot at every opportunity
This nation isn’t musically gifted; the closest we come to having local music is when you hoot. The entire nation depends on how incessantly you hoot. Do it now, do it often. In a few years, we’ll give you a medal for your original composition. We might even make a movie, The Hoot Song, about all the melodies you blessed us with. Thing is, right now, we might say strange things about you, but Martin Luther King Jr had to sit through several insults too. Stay the course.

Also, when you hoot like crazy, interestingly, the car ahead of you will magically move much faster, in spite of all the cars stacked up ahead of it in traffic. The powers that be in this city recently passed new fines that will have you lose some money for doing this— consider that money is an investment in your music career.