I’m best friends with my ex

Every after a failed relationship, Yvonne Letaru, 29, would find herself back in the arms of her ex-lover, sobbing in distress and soaking his shirt up with pools of tears.
“I cannot stop confiding in my ex since we have been friends for almost six years. He understands me best and the fact that we both moved on with different partners does not wedge any distance between us. Every time I’m facing boyfriend drama, he comforts me and each time I want to shop anything for my current boyfriend, his advice is always of great help. This is why I continuously credit him in front of my current lover who never believes me when I say-my ex and I are simply best friends!” shares Letaru.
Here is what different men think of a woman, who is always talking about her ex.

“What a grave mistake for a wife! I would never take a woman who keeps throwing her ex in my face seriously. She would be my greatest time-waster. How sure am I she is not still seeing him? Once her thoughts are there then her body is surely there too,” says Michael Ogwal, a business man.

Disrespectful
Alex Wamala, a banker, says “I would prefer for my woman to talk more often about me and not about her ex. Her being a best friend with her ex is such an unnerving excuse. If you are my girl it is disrespectful for you to mention your ex while in my company which leaves me with doubts whether you are really through with him.”

Change subject already
Jamiru Kawenja, a mechanical engineer, prefers to change subject once the girlfriend starts anything to do with her ex. This is uncomfortable despite the fact that I live with her.
However, I also make room for her to interact with other men because she is open about who they are. Those that I do not like, I reveal how uneasy it feels having particular conversations with them. At the end of the day, Kawenja says he does not want to look or sound controlling because he also has female friends who are not necessarily his exes and he would want to have “change of conversation” once in a while.

No comment
If you are close to her and have not yet won her over , you have to listen to what she has to offer. “Let her tell you why she broke up with her ex. If only you must comment, give her a shoulder to lean on and remind her that you are her new love,” If she insists, know that she is still into that man and devise a solution from a trusted friend,” says Nicholas Odongo, a counsellor.

Two cents
Tell her calmly that her close bond with her ex boyfriend is pushing both of you apart. And if she really wants the relationship to work out with you, she needs to get her priorities right.

COUNSELLOR SAYS
Ali Male, head of counselling at YWCA, says, “Such persons are always trying to compare their partners to their exes, as well as transcend certain relationship behaviour from one to another.”
Male warns couples against such behaviour as it may negatively affect a relationship. “This creates conflict and suspension as it opens up a lot of issues which causes mistrust and communication barriers as the disturbed partner will make reservations towards his or her spouse.”

It also opens up paternity suspensions whether the child is his or for the ex,” he explains.
Male recommends couples to accept and heal from wounds of the past relationships before they can settle for new relationships in order to avoid clinging on to their past.