Sunday June 8 2014

Caught in the act

I caught my wife red-handed with another man, I think I should move on. Advise. Henry K.

Dear Henry K, You sound disappointed by her action. Cheating on each other is not good. Seeking counsel is another way of looking at issues objectively. You definitely must be hurting which is leading you to contemplate moving on.
Maybe before you move on, create time after you have cooled down and meet her and talk it over.

This will help you deal with the pain and make a better decision. There seem to be things that both of you have not sorted out in your relationship which you need to face and deal with. Is it your communication, money, sex, and other relationships ?

For example, if your communication is not effective, it affects the relationship. It is important for both of you to share your needs so that you know what pleases your partner. If one’s needs are not met by the partner, it can be a ground for other issues to develop. These involve emotional, belonging and physical needs. You both need to work on the relationship.

Many times during premarital counselling sessions with my clients, among the questions that I have always asked them in the assignment given, have been, “what is unforgivable sin that you spouse may commit?” The majority give only one answer, “infidelity.” This answer comes from both sides. A few of them have said that there is no unforgivable sin. This most likely is a category that believes in the golden principle that “err is to human but forgiveness is divine.”
Another question that I have asked is, “what would you put in place to ensure that infidelity does not happen”? They have always given beautiful answers such as; trusting one another, transparency, practicing good communication, working/playing together, praying together as the saying goes, “a family that prays together sticks together,” and in case of a misunderstanding, sitting together and objectively discussing the issue(s). If these aspects are practiced in a relationship, the benefits are wonderful.

Just in case you insist on leaving her, denying your relationship a second chance, consider the following; , do you have children or property together and how are they going to be managed? Your action may cause more harm than good especially to children.

Uncle Joe Musaalo, Counseling Psychologist