Develop a relationship with your children

Create time for them off your busy schedule to build a good relationship with them. Monitor PHOTO

One evening at a friend’s home, while we watched TV, he returned from work. After exchanging pleasantries with us, he briefly went to his bedroom and in a split second he returned to the sitting room. Shortly after taking a seat, his children, one-by-one made for their bedrooms. We chatted for a while and retired too.

The following day, when I asked the children about their previous night’s actions, none could speak their mind. I sensed fear of their father.

As we went deeper into the conversation, my best friend confided in me that they had been doing this since they were younger. The children walked away not because they wanted to sleep, but because they were uneasy in the presence of their father.

Friendliness
My friend opened up saying, since childhood, the only person the children found fun being around was their mother. “Their mother always gave them time and listened to them.

When they wanted something from me, they would ask for it through their mother,” he exclaims. Without being judgmental, it was evident that these children had no close relationship with their father.

Socialise
Irene Laker Luguza, a mother of three, says as far as parent-child relationship is concerned, love is time. When it comes to her children, creating time for them off her busy schedule, she suggests is one way of building a good relationship with them. This, she opines, is not simply being home with the children, but also watching cartoons and taking a walk with them.

“I play with them and their toys. They constantly ask if they can come with me wherever I go when I am home and many more things. On Saturday mornings, they sometimes wake up early and ask if they can come into our bedroom. When they do, they just play on our bed. When they are near me, they feel loved and comfortable around me and their father,” Luguza says.

Their needs change
On building and maintaining a relationship with children, Luguza advises parents to submit to their children so that they can trust them and know that parents can always be there for them.

“Children’s needs keep changing. I believe that when they grow up, they may not be clingy, but if we have built the love and trust at an early age, then the bond will always be there even when they are grown,” Luguza observes
Do not dictate
“When I’m with my children, I do not dictate on what they should do. I listen more to them. If they ask for something and I do not give it to them at a time they need it, I explain to them why I have not,” Martha Wolijja, a mother of two.

It is not only that, Wolijja stops at. If they do wrong and I punish them, I tell them why I did it so that I do not create a gap between us. That way, I ensure a stable relationship between us,” she says.

Why a relationship is vital

Stuart Oramire, a father of two, says beyond the legal requirement according to the Children’s Act that ascribes responsibility on every parent to raise children well, it doesn’t only mean paying their school feels and taking them to the hospital when they are sick.

“Every day, I reach home before my two daughters. Before they go to bed, I ask them how their day went, do homework with them and recite poems as they go to sleep. I massage my eight-year-old daughter when she’s in bed because it makes her sleep,” Oramire says, adding that this makes children gain confidence and confide in their parents.

This helps the children find solutions from their parents.
“Children who experience high levels of parental involvement and have a close relationship with them are less likely to exhibit behavioural problems or change in risky behaviour.

Their overall performance is also always better because they are emotionally healthy as opposed to children who are brought up in broken families where children don’t have a relationship with their parents,” Oramire explain. The love he shows them is the same love he wants them to exhibit not only to the narrow confines of their families but to society.