Facebook resolutions 2015

Unlike many of us, I have not made resolutions for this year 2015. What I would like, instead is to kindly ask you, my dear readers, to make one joint resolution. And that is, to spend more time in the real world and less on Facebook.

Firstly, I would beg you to learn how to write sentences, complete sentences that do not have to have hashtags, for example, Goodmorning#Beautifulday#Sunisout#Livingmybeautifullife#Lookatmeandmy clothes! is not a sentence but a collection of odd phrases and a disturbing cry for attention.

I also plead with you to focus more on nation-building activities than posting pictures of yourself every day. I can assure you that 24 hours is not long enough for your friends to forget what you look like. Also, to the young girls out there, why are you posting pictures of your behind on Facebook? Even your mother has one! Yet hers is not on display like overripe bananas swinging from a market stall.

If you are pregnant, please do not bare your stomach on Facebook. You might catch a cold and besides, I don’t think Father Lokodo would be pleased. At any rate, isn’t your condition already obvious?

If you insist on flooding my wall with daily and month-by-month pictures of your offspring, how will I ever open the Facebook page? I admit that my phone, though smart, is not a genius, so please make life easier and mail the pictures to interested parties only. Keep in mind, too, that Baby might not be pleased 17 years from now to discover that the internet is flooded with his photos.

Finally and most sincerely, I don’t know how posting pictures of amputated, gangrenous limbs and mangled accident victims on Facebook will help them get better. I am not a doctor, just to clarify, nor a mganga from Tanzania.

All these pictures cause is horror, revulsion and the instant desire to ‘unfriend’ you on Facebook. I will neither ‘like’ nor ‘share’ these pictures, my friend, so count me out of those guilt trips.

Looking forward to a new year without the Facebook drama!