Fan mail to our celebs

Dear Radio and Weasel,
Hallo, I’m your biggest fan in East Africa. I enjoy everything you have ever sung. Ok, everything except Obudde. It is monotonous and sounds like a nursery school chant. Neera makes me cry, I don’t know why. Radio, I love your sweet voice and soulful sound. Weasel, I have never heard anyone with a voice rougher than yours. It is unique in its grater- like quality.

Why did you decide to call yourself Weasel? Did children call you bad names in primary school? Also, dear Weasel, do you have eyes? I have never seen a photo of you without your sunglasses, especially at night. Perhaps you are visually impaired? If so, you should stand tall and be the face of the visually impaired in Uganda. I’m sure you would do so much good as their ambassador.

Radio and Weasel, I have a very big request to make of you. Would you come sing at my wedding? However, I am very poor, so I cannot afford to pay your airfare. Perhaps you could count me as one of your CSR activities? “Giving the gift of music to the financially challenged”- it sounds so good, don’t you think? If you can visit children’s homes why can’t you visit me and my family? I’m prepared to name one of my future children after you, if you will grant my wish.

Anyway, I have already planned what you will wear. You will be dressed in white suits, black formal shirts, and those black pointed shoes that the Congolese love. During my reception, you will sit in a corner (backed up by a live band) and sing Neera for my first dance, followed by Fitting and then you can sing all the new songs after. Please note that under no circumstances will you be allowed to perform Obudde.

There is only one, very small problem. I do not have your email addresses or phone numbers. So, I cannot send you my invitation cards. I hope you will get in touch with me so we can exchange contacts.
Looking forward to your arrival, it is I, Stella.