Fathers, don’t abandon your responsibilities
Above, a man plays with a child. Fathers are supposed to make time for their children to strengthen their bond. Net photo
The recent sex-tape scandals featuring university students left many parents wondering what they must do to stop the bug of promiscuity and shamelessness from sucking their children.
Stephen Langa of Family Life Network, says the antidote is in parents, particularly fathers taking up their positions to train their children in the right ways and they will not depart from it when they grow up.
The family life counsellor and sexual-purity crusader was the key speaker at a recent Men’s Convention organised by the Men’s Ministry of Makerere Full Gospel Church. Langa says immorality and general corruption is linked to the absence of mentors and true fathers in our society.
Materialism has led fathers to relegate the role of parenting to househelps in a bid to make more money. “Expensive toys and flat TV screens beaming Cartoon Network 24/7 make children rootless and weak,” Langa said adding that the role of a father is to raise God-fearing, autonomous, responsible and productive children.
He proceeds to give essentials of true fatherhood that will help the nation to raise responsible children who will protect the moral fibre of the nation.
Fathers need to create time from their business and ‘busyness’ for their family. Most of them leave early and return late all week through. And on weekends they are busy talking and watching soccer, and squandering time in bars. Long gone are the days when parents and children used to enjoy the closeness at the dining table as they had supper together. Such days must resurrect. As someone said on Facebook, “If you can find time to make children, you should find time to spend with them.”
Attend visiting days at school, celebrate your children’s birthdays, call a photographer and pose for pictures together and have one-on-one time with each of your children at least thrice a week. And then they will not grow up seeking attention and love which makes them susceptible to wrong elements.
Langa also advises fathers to make conscious decisions to be good fathers. “It will cost you a lot; it involves self-sacrifice but it is worthwhile,” he says, “It’s the pride of every parent when children grow into responsible citizens who cannot get easily compromised, and with integrity love to play their role in building the nation.”
He adds that fathers need to discover themselves; know their strengths and resolve weaknesses. This tip is essential to prospective husbands and fathers particularly those who were brought up in broken homes. They don’t want to make the mistake of carrying the baggage of the past into their marriages and loading it onto their wives and children. Part of discovering yourself, says Langa, is accepting who you are, which will give you the confidence to face the responsibilities and challenges that come with fatherhood.
“Do yourself and your children a favour by loving their mother,” Langa advises, adding that when your children know that you love their mother, it gives them inner stability, security, confidence and joy essential for them to perform well in everything they do. A good father should have the discernment to understand the emotional needs of his children.
Langa says some fathers make the common mistake of discriminating against their children depending on their talents and intelligence. “Children need unconditional love. Speak words of affirmation and always encourage them to give their best because children need a sense of self-worth that comes from seeing you value them.”
Moreover, 80 per cent of what children know is learnt through observation and imitation. If you curse and handle people roughly and disrespectfully and tell lies, be sure your children are bound to emulate you. Therefore, be everything you want your children to be: honest, hardworking, generous, kind, and all those ideals, well knowing that tough lectures are not effective compared to demonstration.
It is also essential for fathers to get equipped with good parenting tips by attending men’s conventions. Iron sharpens iron, so it takes a man to build another. By learning from each other, they can go a long way. There is also a lot to learn from books on fatherhood and from the internet.
Felix Laiti, father of six confesses that he does his best to talk to his children. “Whenever I am home, we talk and they have a myriad questions whose answers are not as easy but I answer,” says Laiti. “Talk with rather than talk at or down your children,” advises Laiti. Langa agrees as he advises men to be approachable. “Do not be the type of fathers whose children run away when they enter the sitting room. Hold a conversation with your children, be a good listener and know what their little fears and triumphs are. They love it.”
Great fathers run their homes using biblical values and principles. These include love, kindness, honesty, hard work, generosity, patience, forgiveness and related virtues. “If you apply the positive values given in God’s word,” concludes Langa, “fatherhood will be a blessing.”
How fathers can bond with their daughters
A girl’s father is one of the most influential people in her life, from infant to toddler to tween to teen. How much time do you create for her? The schedule of activities most children have these days leaves little time for fathers and daughters to spend together.
Even if you cannot control how much time you have, you can control the quality of that time. Here are simple, inexpensive and mutually enjoyable activities that allow for time to just talk. Making the effort is the most important part of spending father-daughter time, and she will definitely appreciate the attention.
Movies
It is the old standby and one that still results in maximum satisfaction. The best movies on the big screen manage to keep kids interested while peppering in low-key humor for adults. If your daughter’s young, look for age-appropriate DVDs and make a date on the couch. If she’s older, take her to the theater for hot new releases. If you’re feeling nostalgic, look for some classic father-daughter movies like Father of the Bride, Mulan, Beauty and the Beast and My Girl.
Table tennis or any slow game for two
Table tennis’s slow pace has made it a favoruite setting for jolly moments because it allows for plenty of time to take breaks and converse. Make a games outing a father-daughter tradition, and she will also learn sportsmanship and common etiquette.
Reading
The value of reading is obvious and has even more benefits when it becomes that special time that you share with your daughter. Make it a point to read with your daughter even when she is very young. As she grows older, have her read a passage or two out of her current reading material and talk about it in more depth. You will be amazed at the level of complexity and critical thinking of which she has become capable as she has grown. With the poor reading culture in uganda, you will be saving her a great deal of ignorance.
Dinner
Whether you choose to go fancy or casual, hang out and find a mealtime tradition for daddy and daughter only. Consider a twice-a-month Sunday breakfast date, late lunch after school, or dinner at a different local joint each time you go. During this time, minimise the distractions and make sure both of you turn off your phones. Make it a standing appointment and don’t schedule anything else during those special times.
Walk
Take a break from everyday surroundings and disconnect the computer, games, TV and phone. There is something special about getting outside and back to nature that enables parents and children to bond. Walking is a simple activity that teaches her that nature has some awesomeness of its own.
Whatever venue you choose, this time is special, and the attention you give her will boost her self esteem - and yours.
