Groom amassed knowledge from Youtube tutorials

Ben Ocan and Belinda Atim

What you need to know:

FROM NOW ON. Ben Ocan and Belinda Atim reunited with their relatives and friends through their traditional marriage as required by their culture. Despite living in the diaspora for 30 years the two upheld their cultural values on their engagement. The couple told Stephen Okello and Alice Adikin how they made it happen.

When and how did you meet?
Ben: We met towards the end of 2009 at the ‎House of Commons, a section of the British parliament. We had gone to attend a discussion on how malaria is becoming resistant to current treatment.

What attracted you to each other?
Ben: Belinda’s character traits, she is honest, trustworthy and committed. She also loves culture, I believe she will help me promote our cultural values because that had always been my parents’ prayer that I get a wife from our tribe.
Belinda: Ben is loving, caring, jolly, humble, hard-working and respectful.

How long was your courtship?
Ben: Our courtship has been ongoing for the past five years and is not about to end.
Belinda: Sure, we still go out for dinner, shows and other events.

What kept your union for that long?
Ben: We have many common interests and not limited to Luo culture, we both like music, watching movies and talking when necessary, and taking action(s) when it is needed the most.
Belinda: Ben’s character traits, especially that he trusts me, and we believe in each other. We have found a way to get along in life. He has proven to me that he is reliable and committed.

Belinda and her entourage get out of the house to identify the groom-to-be. Below: The groom’s entourage deliver gifts to Belinda’s family. photos BY STEPHEN OKELLO

How long did you take planning for your traditional marriage?
Ben: About a year, we gave it ample time to make it successful. I went in single but got out married and culturally, that is important for us to legalise it because we already have a child.

What was the cost of the outfits?
Belinda: Hm, they cost quite a bit. It was approximately Shs 5m, because I had four attires; two traditional wear and two party dresses.
Ben: Well, after failing to find leopard skin, I had to buy anything affordable. It was not the cost or what I was going to wear on that day, what mattered most was to marry Belinda.

What was the cost of your wedding cake?
Belinda: About Shs650, 000 but I bought it from London.

What was the most interesting moment?
Ben: Reception by the bride’s aunts. The eight of us arrived late, we were fined Shs50,000 and teased to each take a mug full of local brew.
Teasing the groom is part of Acholi culture.
Belinda: The negotiations; jokes mixed with tough questions were comic and eased the tension.
I also realised that Acholi traditional marriage can be formal.

What was your biggest challenge?
Ben: The anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen since all the aunts who welcomed us left us by ourselves. We were left in suspense.
Belinda: Insufficient time to sample all service providers because all the preparations took only two weeks from our arrival. Some service providers let us down even after receiving payments, we had to look for others, which shot up our budget.

How did you make it smooth?
Belinda: We have known each other for a long time, we have had minor relationship differences like most couples do, but due to the fact that we were not married then, we managed to address most issues amicably by communicating with each other.

A guest presents a lantern, their first gift as required by Acholi tradition.

What were challenges during preparations?
Ben: Being trapped between the Western and Acholi culture because I grew up with much knowledge on Western culture. I was naïve about my own culture; I first had to get information from the YouTube on how to go about our traditional marriage.
Belinda: I asked some friends about executing such a function.

How did you get service providers?
Belinda: My parents and relatives helped to coordinate that bit.

How did you raise the funds for the function?
Ben: Our friends from the diaspora contributed.

What was the most expensive?
Belinda: Decorations; we hired some people from Kampala because we wanted classy decorations. It cost us Shs 5m.

What is the most important item you had to have for the day to be successful?
Belinda: Meals and entertainment. Without these the function cannot be colourful.

What is the significance of doing the function at night?
Ben: Traditionally, the bargaining ceremonies have to be performed at night to exclude strangers.

Do you plan to do a church wedding?
Ben: Yes, it will take place in Britain, but we shall invite our parents and a few relatives. We did our introduction here to make every person happy.

What did you enjoy the most?
Ben: Guests from distant places who came to celebrate with us. It was great pleasure to be with them .
Belinda: Many travelled from as far as Mombasa, Sudan, Jamaica, Nigeria and the UK. There were many relatives we had not met for the last 30 years, whom we met on that day.

Your advice to those who are not yet married?
Ben: The marriage institution is changing for good or bad. Take your time and honour your culture. After all, to wed is an icing on the cake and it won’t make one feel any different if they are in love.
Belinda: Life is what you make it. If you believe in something, work hard to achieve it. Treat people with respect regardless of their status.

in-laws

Whatever one is asked of, they are supposed to deliver it in order to win their in-laws’ trust and also prove their ability to provide for their future wife. Thus, the in-laws are confident to give away their daughter’s hand in marriage.

shoes

Footwear is left outside the father-in-law’s house because it is a sign of respect for the in-laws. Ensure the shoes and socks are clean. For the women, get classy shoes that will leave an impression.

dress code

Despite the days interactions, ensure your traditional wear is vibrant like Belinda did in a lilac lace gomesi on her day. This made her more appealing.

dance
Ker Kwaro Dance Group entertaining the guests at the reception. This group kept the guests lively as they sang and danced to cultural music.

cake
The eight-tier cake inscribed with the couple’s name befitted the day. They preferred it with peach floral decoration at the top.

dignitary

Beatrice Anywar, Woman MP, Kitgum is one of the prominent people who attended the function.

gift
A guest presents a lantern, their first gift as required by Acholi tradition.