Sunday January 19 2014

In love with my best friend

Dear Counsellor,
I’m a 26-year-old man and I’m in love with my best friend. I’m convinced she’s flirting with me – she sometimes flaunts herself in front of me and talks about how beautiful she is. I’ve started to wonder whether she’s putting across a point as well. Whenever I’m with her I just want to kiss her, but I’m too shy to say anything. Should I confess how I feel or not? Julius.

Hey Julius,
Tell her already . you lose nothing. What is the worst that could happen? If she doesn’t love you back, well at least you tried. There is nothing that hurts like regretting . . . if only I had said this and that. Clare A.B.

Hi Julius,
There is two sides to this. One, that might be her way of letting you know she is attracted to you especially if you have been friends for a long time and this kind of behaviour started recently. Two, she could actually be the self-absorbed kind who does not have a problem flaunting her vanity. When a girl has been friends with a guy for so long, it is easy to treat him as one of her girlfriends. Maybe this is the case with you and all she wants is your opinion. Weigh your options and tell her without going all out, if she likes you, it is a win-win. Allemeidah A.A.

Poor Julius,
You should be man enough to read her moves. She has tried to tell you that she is in for you but looks like you are not getting her. Just feel free and tell her your mind. She will not kill you anyway. So, she will let u know. Willy B.

Hullo Julius,
There are situations where a gal will feel at ease with you but that does not mean she is coming on to you. Take a bold step and approach her like you just met. Don’t be offended if she tells you she considers you like a brother. Joe

Hey Julius,
You are swept off your feet by your best friend. It will burn you consistently if you do not open up to her. Man up, dust your coat and tell the dame. Otherwise, while you are contemplating, someone else will take her away from you. Edward E.

Dear Julius,

I do appreciate your fears or shyness in “launching your manifesto” or letting your best friend know your feelings for her beyond your current friendship. I guess your fears may be that possibly if you told her that you have fallen for her, the response from her may be negative.
If you think she is flirting with you, then it is important for you to boldly approach her and find out. Actually you may think she is flirting with you about her beauty and yet she is trying to communicate something different to you as have said by letting you know that she is too beautiful to be your wife. However, let us not make assumptions. Instead you may have to do some self-reflection and examination by finding out what you really want, what your goals are exactly for the relationship…for instance you are talking of kissing only…do you just intend to stop at the kissing only, and remember kissing may turn into something different. This kissing only could reflect on your short term goals! Would you have long term plans beyond kissing only that is looking at her as a wife material? In self-examination, check out for your values. Is it possible that your shyness may be in agreement with your values, well knowing that kissing may result into sex and yet one of your values could be that you have purposed not to have sex before marriage?