It was a Q and A interview

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By  Stella Riunga

Posted  Sunday, December 8  2013 at  02:00

Interviews have become a sham and a mockery. I wonder how serious all the hundreds of interviews that job-seekers take really are. Articles abound telling people how to pass interviews, and reading them, it seems that one has to wake up and develop an entirely new personality just to be considered a serious candidate for a position.

Some of the questions asked are so ridiculous, it is almost a given that everyone who answers will have to lie, if only to appear sane. Sample these common questions and honest answers from one prospective employee.

Q: “So what is your biggest weakness?”
A: Why don’t you hire me and find out? But anyway, come to think of it, I’ve been told I have a temper that would make a wounded elephant look like a pussycat.
Q: “What was your previous salary?”
A: Ask the taxman-I never had a personal encounter with that salary. My former employer paid me peanuts. I can guarantee there are water-boys in a circus somewhere who earn daily more than what I used to make in a month. I only took the job because I didn’t think starving to death was a viable option.

Q: “What salary are you expecting?”
A: I’m going to quote twice what I earned-maybe thrice if I have the guts-without blinking an eye, and haggle you over it down to the last cent. Times are tough and I need to boost my savings.

Q: “What do you like to do when you’re not working?’
Likely answer: I’m involved in various activities in my community. I like to help out in church and I have a particular fondness for magazines like Newsweek and BBC documentaries. I also swim a few times a week.

A: Are you the Big Brother? You can find me any given weekend in a semi-coma in front of my couch watching comedies; I only get up to go to the loo.
You get my drift. And what about those clichés you find in all adverts these days: “Must be a team player” or (snort) “Honest”. Employers, if any of you are reading this, and I am coming to you to look for a job, I will tell you I am a team player even though the only team I’ve ever willingly been part of is the group of interviewees sitting outside your office, and I will tell you how honest I am even if I regularly carry home office supplies stashed in the bottom of my handbag. Why don’t these employers just stop being lazy and take their time to assess candidates on their individual merit?

It is their fault that people develop temporary multiple-personality disorders just to get a job. And what about the whole ten-years’ experience scam? Yeah, I am twenty-five and you want me to have ten or 5 years’ experience? Dream on.
I wonder if we realize that in many interviews, everything is an illusion.