Letter From Kireka: Kadaga finally meets Oulanyah
Posted Sunday, October 27 2013 at 00:00
After reading about the ever-growing rift between the Speaker, Ms Rebecca Kadaga and her deputy, Mr Jacob Oulanyah, the Kireka Bar decided to ensure a truce is reached between the two.
Chairman Alfredo was tasked to hunt for the two politicians and bring them to Kireka, where they would hold peace talks. And yes he did! Below is an abridged version of what transpired at the talks.
Chairman Alfredo (holding a Nile Gold bottle): Madam Speaker and your deputy, the good people of Kireka are happy that you finally made it to the bar to discuss these differences. As drunkards in this bar, we have never believed that there is any conflict beyond resolution. I will first start by asking you to state exactly what your differences are.
Kadaga: Well, it looks like Jacob is the one with issues. Let him talk first.
Oulanyah: Surely Rebecca, you know what you have subjected me to these past months. I keep regretting the day I defeated Odonga Otto for this post.
Alfredo: No Hon Oulanyah, it can’t be that bad. What is the matter?
Oulanyah: I have been made to look bad. Whenever something controversial comes up in Parliament, it’s me they send to oversee. Thereafter, I am left to the hounds.
Kadaga: Kyoka Jacob. What controversial debate have you handled which I have not? Is it you who is handling the Sejusa saga? Who is handling the Odoki matter? What about the Aronda issue? Stop sulking like a woman.
Alfredo: No Madam Speaker, that is going overboard.
Oulanyah: You see, that is what I am talking about. I never get the respect I deserve. No wonder you gave me that wedding gift—total disrespect.
Alfredo: Wedding gift, what gift were you given?
Oulanyah: Rebecca and her Parliamentary Commission sent me the Kabaka’s portrait as a wedding gift. Had my middle name been “Kiwanuka” or if I was marrying “Sseninde” then it would make sense. But neither am I a Muganda nor my wife. Why did Rebecca send me a portrait?
Kadaga: Jacob, I never had a hand in the choice of gift. That was not my decision. Had you seen the portrait of the Gabula, then you would blame me. But again as national leaders, we should be able to embrace diversity. I would not mind a portrait of say the Umukukha of Bugisu myself.
Alfredo: Hon Kadaga, I also heard claims that you never contributed any money towards Hon Oulanyah’s wedding. Is that true Hon Oulanyah?
Oulanyah: She is right there, ask her.
Kadaga: Honestly, I thought I sent him mobile money. Maybe the network was down.