Mind your child’s peer influence

On a Sunday afternoon, Jane slaps three of her neighbours’ children claiming they always beat her six-year-old daughter. Her actions do not go down well with the neighbours who respond by insulting and blaming her for unfairly engaging in child matters.
She quickly reminds them of how she has always warned them to restrain their children from fighting with her daughter but they do not take heed. This time she chose to act.
“I will beat your children as long as they beat my daughter. I cannot accept such behaviour. You either restrain your children or I will not stop beating them when they attack my girl,” Jane fumes on top of her voice.
Meanwhile, one of the female neighbours charges towards her. Nevertheless, one of the neighbours’ husbands nearby stops them.
“Your child should stop playing with ours. Why can’t you keep her indoors? Is she an angel that she should not be touched?” The other neighbour asks, as her husband leads her inside the house.

Lack of confidence
One wonders why a child would continue playing with peers who beat her. How would a parent protect them from violent peers?
Shallon Ainembabazi, a counsellor, says there are various ways children fall victim of their peers’ aggressiveness. This includes physical beating, confiscation of the weak colleagues’ play kits, insults, and bullying.
Ainembabazi explains the children who lack confidence are the most affected. Because of their calmness, their peers find it easy to assault or insult them.
“It is important to groom your child to be confident. Such a child whose self-esteem is high is usually respected by colleagues compared to those who are always quiet,” she says.
However, in so doing, she warns that parents should help children differentiate confidence and violence because they can mistake the two.
A child should be told of their rights from childhood so that she can know how to defend herself. For instance, avoiding violent peers or reporting them to elders such as parents or teachers.

Settings matter
Molly Kyakuhaire, a social worker and church minister, describes child violence as unpleasant conduct of children towards their peers. She notes that violent actions of children could be a symptom of problems such as mistreatment at home, violence in homes or lack of parental guidance.
Also, some children have been born and raised in areas where violence is the order of the day.
According to Kyakuhaire, such usually happens in war-torn areas, drug and alcohol prone places.
“Where use of alcohol and drugs is the order of day, violence is also the order of the day. Children from such settings, pick violent manners from when they start understanding and grow up with aggressive tendencies,” Kyakuhaire explains.
She cites examples of children she found running after each other with stones and pangas in Kiryandongo District. When she intervened, she realised they had been born in an internally displaced camp where violence seems inevitable because they lack basics such as food, shelter and clothing.
“If a child is beaten or abused by peers today and tomorrow, he or she will get tired and feels like a solution is to fight whoever messes up with them,” Kyakuhaire says.

Parents have a hand
Ainembabazi further explains that child violence is also triggered by parents who encourage their children to fight back instead of crying whenever their peers beat them. Some parents ask their children, “Don’t you have hands? Why can’t you fight back?”
“A child hears such statements as being blamed for not fighting back. They would definitely start using violence as a way of solving arguments,” Ainembabazi adds.

Listen to the peers
She says once you notice that your child is being offended by peers, sit them down and ask why they are always beaten by peers. She reasons that some children regardless of being weak they are good at starting trouble and rush to report once they are beaten.
“You should also speak to peers they usually fight with. Getting answers from both sides would help you make an informed decision on how to protect your child from falling victim of peers’ cruelty,” Ainembabazi says.

Remember...
Children learn from each other and depending on the child’s age, sometimes prefer their peers’ advice to that of their parents. Some things matter more than others but they all need a few rules that you do not mind them breaking. Let them know that you will monitor them. Breaking rules has consequences.