Saturday April 5 2014

On ‘tying’ and what the security guard saw

By Stella Riunga


When you want to ease your self but the place is pathetic. Do you ‘tie’ until you get home or do you close your eyes and make it into the filthy public loo?

In most normal places, tying is what you do to a string, or a rope (hopefully not around your neck as you bid this miserable world farewell) or your retired fallopian tubes. Not in Kampala City.

As any citizens of developing countries know, waste management is a lumpy issue (pun intended). Deciding when, where, how and at what expense to dispose of one’s –errrrrr- expulsions- is a tricky matter.

Waste management
In our developing environment, waste management is not as important as making space for roads, cars and businesses.
Thus you might enter a downtown mall hosting more than 15 different businesses but alas, not a single toilet. Use your money there and go.
You can as well wait till you get home to ‘dirten’ your own toilet. This is why you find men all over the place expressing themselves.

Literally. Sometimes there are so many of them doing it at the same time that I think we should seriously have a National Expression Hour (I think an hour after lunchtime would do) during which men are free to express themselves wherever they happen to be.

Now combine lack of waste management facilities, lack of piped water and women’s monthly nuisance and you have a crisis.
There you are, delicate dainty female that you are, tying like no man’s business but the monthly nuisance dictates that you must find a waste management facility urgently.

You summon all your courage and head there, only to find that the filthy facility sadly does not boast a waste bin.

Having conducted all transactions related to your monthly nuisance, you are left with no option but to ‘take away.’

With the ‘take away’ safely tucked into your handbag you continue with the day’s activities. After work you decide to head to your usual supermarket, and the usual bored security guards are there, ready to probe the innermost bowels of your handbag.

Like the good citizen you are, you open your bag for the search and what do you find at the top, wrapped in a bloody piece of tissue paper!
We are in a waste management crisis.