Salvage your marriage this Easter season
Robert Katuramu, (not real name), an associate pastor, used Easter to revive his marriage that was on the verge of collapsing. Katuramu says his neighbours and friends often told him of how his wife seemed to frequent shrines.
When he asked the accused, she became bitter. For fear of creating a scene, he could apologise and withdraw. Nevertheless, he started spying on his wife. It was not long before he caught her.
“I saw her myself entering the shrine and wondered what was driving her into such acts. I feared eating at home or even keeping around her,” Katuramu says.
Being a preacher, he says, he would often feel guilty of preaching to his followers about happy marriages yet his own family was apart.
Katuramu, who also runs a stationery shop on Nkrumah Road, says on Holy Thursday in 2009, he spent the day and night praying for courage. On Good Friday, he sat his wife down and showed her pictures of her entering a shrine.
Insecurity
The 27-year-old, says his wife broke down and went speechless for about an hour. As someone determined to resolve the problem, he gently probed the wife.
“She told me, she was feeling insecure due to my closeness to the mother of my first child. She had been advised by friends to bewitch me so that I could hate my ex and the child,” he said.
Katuramu assured his wife that the closeness was because of their child. The wife apologised and promised to do away with witchcraft.
Fr Achilles Mayanja, Kansanga Parish priest, says there are many elements couples can apply to strengthen marriage this Easter season. He says repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation should always be the keys for any marriage. The priest stresses that marriage has its tensions which couples have to deal with.
Admit the problem
“Addressing a marriage dispute includes recognising that there is a problem, accepting, and adjusting your differences. One needs to understand the variances, and then to accept and adjust to them. You should know that God gave you a spouse who completes you in ways you have not even learned yourself,” he says.
The most important thing is to discover how great forgiveness and accepting apologies is. The major problem is when one fails to take responsibility for the mistake and also when you say sorry but the offended person is not willing to forgive and forget.
Be a reflection of God’s love
Dorothy Kebirungi, a relationship psychologist and also church minister, says Easter is a reflection of the love God has for his children on earth. That love must be reflected on what everything you do in your families and workplace.
She says couples can use Easter to resolve misunderstandings by reflecting on the love of God when He chose His begotten son to redeem the world.
“Take some time to read scriptures that speak about your marriage and practice what you read.
The gospel of Matthew states that real happiness is not some fantasy of perpetual delight but rather it is based on life’s everyday combination of unpleasant and saccharine,” she says.
All marriages undergo crises, in this Easter holiday, use Easter to wash away the anger that has been sitting on your heart.
How to resolve conflict
• Dorothy Kebirungi, a relationship psychologist, says maintaining harmony in marriage is difficult. Learn how to square your brashness. Using opposition to make your spouse accept a mistake requires telling your partner how you care about him or her. This goes in hand with informing your partner that you respect him and she also respects you. Forget your ego and use a loving approach.
• When you are to inform your spouse about your grievances, be mindful of timing, and location. You should not approach your spouse when he or she is exhausted. “Avoid situations that seem to be judgmental when you are discussing a problem that is affecting your marriage. Do not disapprove him or her in front of children or relatives,” she says.
• She observes that Easter is that time when you review the bonding with God. Humble yourself and listen to God; the same way you should listen to your spouse when you are resolving a dispute. In communication seek to comprehend their actions and inquire to clarify.
• Avoid complaints that were previously discussed. In that conversation, focus on the problem, rather than the individual.
•Do not engage in a discussion to win the argument. As soon as you approach your partner, attend carefully to what is discussed,” Robert Katuramu, a pastor, explains
• Fr Achilles Mayanja echoes that resolving conflict requires forgiveness regardless of how hard-hearted the two of you are. Reflect the love of God in your actions.
