Sunday August 10 2014

She prefers my friends’ company

By Joe Musaalo

My girlfriend spends most of the fun time with my friends. Gwen K.T.
Dear Gwen, you sound disturbed and concerned about your girlfriend’s behaviour.

How did she get to know your friends? Is it possible that she knew them before knowing you. How do you relate if you cannot spend time together? It sounds a bit awkward because if you were the one who introduced her to your friends then she seems to be implying something deeper than what you see.

Is it possible that she finds you introverted and yet for her she is an extrovert and specifically a sanguine temperament person who is outgoing and yet you may be melancholic, someone who is so reserved?
Therefore, the way forward would be for you to initiate a talk with her and find out what exactly attracts her to your friends.

I would also encourage you not to be biased or start your discussion with accusations. Reason being that your girl friend may be that kind of personality that is outgoing and yet you are reserved. Therefore, you find there is a personality clash or a conflict in your personalities.

During your discussion it would be good for you to be open to her and find out from her what are her expectations in the relationship and may be what are your shortcomings from her perspective. Then also go further and get suggestions from her of how best you can both improve and invest in your relationship.

On the negative side though your girl could be trying to send a message to you? She may be trying to tell you that she is not interested in a relationship with you, so she sets out to prove to your friends that the relationship is not on.

Sometimes girls may find it difficult to say an outright NO! And so tries to express it in another way. Or she may be ashamed of your relationship. May be she does not know what to talk about when she is with you? Sometimes she could fear to relate especially if she is still young.

She could on the other hand feel that she is giving you little time but quality time.

Since you do not tell us if she is your girlfriend, maybe you are also assuming things which do not exist. She may therefore not know that you are interested in having a serious relationship with her. Talk to her about it and express your concern.

Uncle Joe Musaalo is a counselling psychologist