Supporting our mother in her cancer-stricken days

“She was the start of everything we do, the music of today,” said Elvis Kirya, aka Vampino, when I asked him about his journey as a cancer caregiver for his mother Sophie. “It lowers you so much, but we had to support her, because mum was stronger than all of us. She encouraged us, saying ‘I saw you on TV,’ playing your music. She made the home warm with this light in it.”

In 2011, Madam Sophie, mother of Maurice Kirya, Vampino of Benon and Vamposs, the legendary Hip Hop artiste Saba Saba aka Krazy Native of Bataka Underground, and many others – was diagnosed with breast cancer. “She used to complain about back pain, but we did not take it so seriously,” explained Vampino.

“We told her to do the exercises, massages. It was a pain that used to come and go. Then eventually my sister decided to take her for checkup. She said ‘we have to know what’s hurting.’ They told mum she had breast cancer. It was a big shock to everyone.”

Breaking the news and treatment
Sophie told each of her family members one-by-one about her diagnosis. At the time, her son Alex aka Ugandan Hip Hop’s Saba Saba was in Los Angeles, about to start studying as an audio engineer.

“In her calm voice, she told me everything will be all right,” recalled Saba Saba. “I remember, I cried. Me and my companion, we lit a candle and prayed.”

Sophie’s breast was removed, and for two years she seemed to be fine, but then in 2013, her back pain returned, along with a new diagnosis. “They told her the cancer had gone in the bones,” remembered Saba Saba. “All this time she thought she was ok, it was spreading.”

This time around, Madam Sophie was directed to do chemotherapy, and she warned her family about the side effects they should expect from the strong medication: hair loss, nausea and weight loss, tiredness, and low immunity to disease.

As Vampino described: “She asked everyone ‘are you ready? Can I do this?’ We said, “mom, if it is the best way to go, we support it.” When she started chemo, she became weak, lazy, lost weight. She asked us to go find her wigs. We all lived with mum with that pain.”

Together with her family, Madam Sophie went on a journey to save her life, using any means necessary. “Four years my mum fought,” said Saba Saba. “The cost was split between the siblings. We did everything to keep mom stable.”

Madam Sophie did multiple rounds of chemotherapy, and later radiotherapy. For her pain, Sophie saw an orthopaedic, got physiotherapy which involved massages and stretching her body with machines.

At one point, the cancer care available at Mulago hospital was not enough, so the family pulled together their resources to fly her to Nairobi for further treatment.

Cancer care also continued at home. She used to take beetroot juice, local herbs, and even at one point tried marijuana tea.
“Our little (young) brother Lenard was the juice maker,” said Vampino. “He made however much she wanted. It tasted funny with no sugar.”

“We all played different roles,” said Saba Saba. He explained how his father would stay up all night with his wife, and then sleep in the morning when the others took over. “Sometimes, I would go with her to the hospital where the procedures would take a whole day. We would go to the cancer institute 10 to 15 people. Mom’s siblings were with her all the way. Maureen would come from Jinja. Family and friends would fly in just to see her. I left everything [in the US] and came back to Uganda to be with my mum, and that is the best decision I have ever made in my life.”

Saba Saba emphasised that it was not just him and Vampino supporting their mom. Everyone in the family did their part. Madam Sophie’s support team included: Tony Munobi (husband/father), Maureen, Oliver, Diana, Scovie, Richard, Hamza, Felix, Suzan, Monica and the whole extended family.

“Nobody left,” Vampino recalled. “My father didn’t leave. Everybody was always with her. I used to sing her the song Neera. If you won the other time, you can win again!”

A word for caregivers
When asked what advice these young men would have for others who are thrust into the position of cancer caregiver, Saba Saba said, “what I would tell anyone whose family member has cancer is be by her or his side. Comfort them. Show your support. It is important.”

“Keep close with the patient,” advised Vampino. “Show them more love than before, because that gives them the energy to take their medication. Do not show them you’re really scared of how they are turning. It’s a strong medication, but if they don’t take it, they won’t stay long. If that person is shown love, they can go through it.”

Unfortunately, Madam Sophie lost her battle to cancer in April 2015. In her honour, Vampino wrote a song Smile featuring Irene Ntale, and he is planning an event to benefit cancer patients.

Vampino and his siblings have even been thinking about starting up a foundation in their mother’s name to aid those still fighting to survive.

Maurice Kirya fundraised for the cancer support group UWOCASO by donating Shs 1,000 per cup of coffee sold at his café The Sound Cup (Garden City, Kampala) throughout the month of October.

He also released a song Mama We Made It for Madam Sophie, a woman whose legacy will surely live on through the hearts of those who cared so deeply for her.

Madam Sophie’s brief bio
Madam Sophie Baguma was born in Masindi hospital on June 1, 1956, to the late Mr Sam B. Baguma and Mrs Josephine K. Baguma of Rwenkoole – Bwijanga. Throughout her life, she became known as a social, entertaining and motivating woman: a wife, mother and business owner.

Sophie was the second born of siblings Sunny, Scovia, Sheila, Stephen, Sandra, Suzan, Jessica, Patricia and Samson. She attended Bulima and Kyabigambire Primary Schools, then Duhaga and Jinja Girls Secondary Schools.

While living in Jinja, Sophie worked at B.A.T., Grindlays Bank, and as a shop cashier. In 1977, she began her marriage to Mr Munobi, with whom she had five children: Maurice, Alex (AKA Saba Saba), Elvis (AKA Vampino), Maureen and Lenard.

They shifted to Kampala, where she worked for Daisy Deli and Dak Traders, and then started up her own catering company: Madam Sophie Catering Service. Madam Sophie continued running her catering business throughout cancer treatment.

Sophie taught her children how to sing, and she encouraged them in their own careers. Sophie is remembered as being a supportive and charismatic woman, who maintained strong relationships throughout the family and wider community by always reaching out and connecting with everyone.

She was loving and much loved, creating a home where everyone was welcomed as family.

Tribute to my mother...

Adyeeri was the strongest, patient, ever loving mother. She loved all of us unconditionally. She was my Mother, my sister, my best friend and confidant.

She taught me to always look at the bright side of life and to never give up even when it got tough. She believed in me so I believed in myself.

She said I was very clever and so I am. She said I was beautiful...so I’m beautiful. She said I was a good girl...so I am a good girl. She made me the person I am today. If I had another chance to talk to her again, I would say....” Thank you Mummy. I love you Mum. Maureen Kantono Baggya

My best memory of mother, Elvis Kirya (vampino )

The last time I had with her four days before she was admitted for radiotherapy, she was always playing scrabble with children. You come in she disses you, saying your style is fake.”

“One time we came in they were playing a Bob Marley song and she just stood up – remember she was using a wheelchair - but she just stood up and started dancing, and we started dancing with her, just smiling. She was asking for money, that money she had given it to me to do something for her, then she took it back, not knowing it was our last dance together”

“We were always joking with her. She would call me more than 20 times to find out how we reach when we travel. Even at night, she would not sleep. If I don’t pick, she calls the next one, going through the network finding out who’s with me.

She called my brother in the U.S. so many times, even though it was so expensive, I said “stop calling him, he’s a big boy.” She said “he’s my son!” She’s the person who connects everybody. When I argue with Maurice it is mum who we call, and she’ll fix it.”

“ She was very jolly, always singing with Maurice. I just found videos on the flash when mom was singing and Maurice was beatboxing. “

“I saw her locked up in that radiotherapy room in Mulago. We did the radiotherapy around one at night because there was a queue.

We waited for her with friends and she was joking with them while she’s down.”

“She encouraged me to do a song called smile, she told me she wanted to manage it. That one is for her”
“ I used to tell her ‘mom you can never die,’ and she used to joke ‘ I am an old woman I am going to leave you,’ but we said no, but at the end she said ‘I am tired, let me go’”