Sunday February 2 2014

THROUGH MY EYES: And then I was fired

By Lindsey Kukunda

It has been a number of weeks since I was politely and lovingly handed my notice to vacate the premises of an FM station as an employee.

Distraught, I fell hard off my No-Drinking wagon but the stain of my failure lingered in the seat of my pants. I drank a little more and eh! The thought of my termination letter was still indelibly etched on my brain. Defeated, I tossed back that tequila by golly, and ruminated upon this shocking development.

I took it particularly hard because it is a painful experience to start out in radio when your voice does not sound like honey smothered in butter and sprinkled with lemon. Most presenters can just say ‘I want to urinate’ and it will sound lovely.

Me? Longer hours of preparation were needed. Exhausting searches for content in a bid to be perfect. Because I didn’t have the voice to just say ‘I want to urinate’ and make it sound lovely, I was invited for a voice test at another radio station. I went into overdrive, practicing for three days straight to make sure I had the intonations just right. Want an example?

‘It’s Radio Whatsit, 60 FM! I’m Lindsey and you’re tuned to the Boat Cruise, playing the finest of the snazziest! Enjoyed ‘Can’t stop Loving you?’ Well, Phil Collins sadly gets more and more deaf every year. When we come back, it’ll be Nina Simone letting us know that she sings because she knows what it means to be free. Let us embrace freedom like she does-as we embrace the music-here on Radio Whatsit, 60 FM!’

Armed with such artillery, I did the test. Afterward, the producer asked me if I wanted to listen to how I sounded and people, I sounded good. Somewhere along the long dusty road, I had nurtured a voice that sounded like honey smothered in butter and sprinkled with lemon.

So if you have ever been fired-you are not alone. If you are worrying that you are about to be fired-you may be right. To anybody who would like to preempt it and resign instead-that is a jolly good idea. Wish I had thought of it.