The basic action movie
Dear friends, I stand accused.
I have been accused of being unable to broaden the horizons of my mind, just because I refuse to watch action movies. Such unfairness! I mean, every action movie made under the sun is essentially the same.
First, there must be a set of deadly weapons- spears, swords, arrows, guns, etc.
Second, there must be a hero- usually a human male flanked by a beautiful but tough woman. This action hero must be able to survive the following life-threatening situations:
•Being thrown under a bus/car
•Jumping from the roof of one building to another
•Being trapped in a burning building
•Injury by gun/spear/sword/bullet
•Imprisonment
•Death
In case I confused you with the last point above, the action hero must also possess the ability to fake his own death and then appear many years later— stronger than ever after emerging from his hiding place.
Right, so we have all the tools necessary to create an action movie- weapons, action hero and... there is something missing. Oh yes, the storyline! This is not too difficult to come up with really. Our Action Hero and The Enemy are sworn enemies fighting about a woman/a family feud/a business empire/drugs/ Chemical X that will either save or destroy the world/money. Just pick one. After that, the stage is set. Our action hero will in most cases be a man of few words who prefers to let his heroic actions speak for him. But remember this: HE MUST HAVE A SIX-PACK— 100 per cent tightly-toned muscle, stretched over the ribcage in six appealing sections. This is essential for any action hero/heroine, though their six-packs are not strictly necessary for fighting enemies. I mean, don’t we have pot-bellied police officers fighting crime with all their heart, stomach and soul?!
Now that you have your weapons, action hero and storyline in place, the next step is to sit back and experience 90- 120 minutes of senseless violence and blood-letting, out of which our action hero/heroine will, of course, emerge bloodied but unscathed.
And there you have it, your basic action movie. Do you blame me now for avoiding them?
