The unmotivated employee
It is Monday morning. 10 am. You are seated at your desk (not on it, dear grammar murderers), and tapping at your keyboard, wearing your ‘busy face’. What you are busy calculating is not how to improve your company’s profit margins but how to make the time between 10 am and 5 pm fly by. My dear brother/sister, you are suffering from lack of motivation, and these are the symptoms of your peculiar disease.
1. You start planning for lunch immediately after 10 o’clock tea
Not because you are the world’s most organised person, but because you have nothing else to occupy your mind. You are also well-known in the office for engaging people in food-related debates such as the benefits of sweet potatoes versus rice and so on
2. Your morning greetings take half an hour longer than usual
“Good morning, how are you?” is no longer enough. You want to know the details of your colleagues’ lives, from their children to their aging parents to their livestock. You have even been known to pull up a chair and listen in fascination to that one colleague who never fails to update you on the various, strange, almost mystical aches and pains that plague her body. If this describes you, my friend, please seek immediate help.
3. You dread all inter-office phone calls
You cannot stand the sound of your office line ringing. It fills you with dread. In fact, you are beginning to suspect that you have become allergic to the sound of the phone. Every time your boss calls with one query or the other, you see black spots swimming in front of your eyes and experience a deep, internal weariness.
4. You are tempted to call in dead
You have begun fantasising about faking your own death, complete with a death and funeral announcement in the papers. Which of your colleagues would truly mourn you, though? And so you have begun looking at your workmates in a suspicious manner, wondering which ones would even notice you were gone, and which ones would only be interested in grabbing your comfortable swivel chair.
Lack of motivation is a serious disease. Please seek treatment immediately.
Have a motivated week!
