Sunday August 24 2014

This sauna business...

By Rogers Balamaga

Out of sheer curiosity coupled with boredom, I decided to drop by a sauna last week and what I found is the reason I intend to make this regular plot. I didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare for the occasion; I just walked to the hotel reception and asked the girl behind the counter if the hotel had the best sauna services around town as rumoured and how much it costs.

To mitigate the embarrassment, I found it imperative to come open about this being my first time. She was also kind enough to explain to me everything I needed to know before asking a nearby waiter to lead me to the sauna section where I was asked to pay Shs8,000.

On paying, the girl handed me a key with a number tag and directed me to the men’s locker room. At the reception however, I had been informed that I would be provided with a towel, wrapper, slippers as well as bottomless tea and popcorn. But holding just a key, I just couldn’t help but ask; “That’s it? I am just going to strip naked and strut into the sauna bare feet?” The girl chuckled and clarified that I would find everything in my locker.

After changing, I hit the sauna and what I saw was unbelievable. With arms the size of my thighs and man boobs that can breast feed a small village, a stout man reclined on the wall mounted the bench directly opposite the heater, perspiring what I believed to have been actual beer, if my olfactory senses count for anything.

Moments later, his friend with an equally intimidating physique ambled in from the steam bath and the two resumed what appeared to be an unfinished conversation. Looking at their paunchy bodies; I could have sworn they were professional sumo wrestlers. But from the bits I could glean from their conversation, I gathered they were rather rich and influential members of society.

Starting to get smothered by the beer steaming off the beer bellied buddies, I headed for the steam bath which, apparently, is the more popular spot. It is the women I found here, as I intend to detail in next week’s article that left a lasting impression that will keep taking me back to this particular sauna.