Monday September 11 2017

My uncle mediated our relationship

The Sabitis had their wedding at St Peter’s

The Sabitis had their wedding at St Peter’s Cathedral in Kanungu. PHOTO BY JOSEPH KATO 


When did you meet?
Moses: I first met Loyce when she used to sell cakes at her uncle’s shop in May 2009. I would make it a point to have Shs500 every day to enable me get a chance to meet her under the pretext of buying a cake. Then, I lost contact for a while because I had come to Kampala for studies. I got a chance to meet her again when I went back to the village in 2014.

Through our lines of duty; she is a banker and I’m a manager, we found ourselves in need of each other’s services which grew from there.
Loyce: Indeed our relationship dates from 2009. We were just friends.

When did you make your marriage intentions known to her?
Moses: In 2016 when she had come to attend my birthday party and through a WhatsApp chat I opened up because I had failed to do it face-to-face. I deceived her that I had dreamt about our wedding in church.

It was through continuous meetings that we held work-related discussions and we got to understand each other.
Loyce: Moses is handsome. I could not take chances when he proposed to me because it was something I was already wishing for. Nevertheless, I will attribute our relationship to continuous meetings and the involvement of elders.

What do you mean by involvement of elders?
Loyce: We consulted elders the moment we realised that our friendship was advancing to another level. We thought guidance from our aunts and uncles would suffice.

Moses, could you explain this further?
Moses: My uncle Hans Besigye, was instrumental in convincing her family. You know in our culture [Bakiga] families study each other before a marriage is supported. I had to get tactics from my uncle on how to convince her but also I asked him to be involved especially on talking to Loyce’s parents.

How long did it take for elders to bless your relationship?
Moses: More than one year. The delay was not because they thought we did not deserve each other but they wanted to know our childhood, family and friendship background. Besides, they wanted to test our patience as people who would become husband and wife.
Loyce: Fast things fade, we had to take our time. We took time praying for our dream to come true.

What were you doing in that one year?
Loyce: We would meet on a professional level but also prayed for our relationship to be blessed by God. We both come from staunch Church of Uganda (COU) families and we could not let the devil antagonise our projected marriage.
Moses: Being in courtship, we met very often. Without God our dream could not have come true.

What happened after parents gave you a go ahead?
Moses: I visited her parents in the company of my elder relatives. We made our intentions known in the presence of elders from both families. The elders set principles that we had to follow until the time for introduction and marriage. Among these conditions was; to be prayerful and resist temptation.

What are those unique characters that you have found in each other?
Loyce: Moses is humble and understands how to handle friends of the opposite sex. By the time he made his intentions known to me, he had already won my heart because of his respect for women. His sense of reasoning is unique and he is straightforward.
Moses: Loyce is beautiful and respectful. There are some women who feel proud when they have a job like hers. She is reserved and thinks before she reacts.

How did you come up with the wedding budget?
Moses: We drafted the budget according to our savings. We estimated a cost of about Shs25m but to our surprise, our relatives and friends’ contributions pushed the budget beyond what we had anticipated. Relatives such as my uncles Sam Kajojo, Hans Besigye, Carlos Bitaama Twesigomwe and aunt Hope Kajojo did a great job for our wedding to be colourful and memorable. They provided me with vehicles entourage including fuel.

Did you hold meetings for the wedding?
Moses: Yes, we held preparatory meetings in Kanungu and Kampala. Through these meetings, a cousin pledged to facilitate the bride and groom outfits including the gown, suits, shirts, shoes and salon costs.
Nice Sounds offered us a free music system.

Did you involve wedding planners?
Moses: Yes, our relatives who plan weddings. We thought their services for an effective, colourful and memorable wedding ceremony would do us well.

What was the most interesting moment at church?
Moses: When I took vows in the presence of my mother Mabel Byamugisha. She toiled to bring me up since I had lost my dad when I was just 11 months old and she had been praying to see me wed in church. My grandfather was also excited to see a grandchild take marriage vows. He is old and I was worried that he could die before witnessing my wedding.

Loyce: I was excited when my dad walked me into the church. The congregation gave us a standing ovation. It was a dream come true. It is something I craved for since childhood.

And reception?
Moses: I was humbled by the gifts the audience gave us. I cannot believe that we were given more than 10 goats. My mother gave us a cow.
Another most memorable thing was serving my mother a piece of cake appreciating her for standing by me in good and bad times.
Loyce: I was pleased when I served Moses a piece of a cake as his first meal. I promised to love and respect him as my husband. On his decisions I will always move ad operate.

Did you go for premarital counselling?
Loyce: Of course, we come from staunch Anglican families. They could not allow us to wed without going through marriage principles. We were taught that marriage is built on three pillars that include patience, hard work and forgiveness.
Moses: I learnt that it is an institution of the patient, kindhearted and forgiving parties. No tempers allowed to fly through the window.

On what principles is your marriage based?
Loyce: Our marriage is based on self-respect, hard work, patience and forgiveness. No man is an island. We all make mistakes and the weapon is to understand your mistake and being remorseful.
What is your message for people planning to marry?
Moses: First of all you need to make a decision to get married come rain or sunshine. For our case we were determined to get married under whatever circumstances with or without money.

Secondly, seek advice from the day you decide to make a wedding. Do not pretend to be well off when you are not. If someone decides to provide you free services, do not hesitate because it helps you reduce on the costs.
Learn how to appreciate those who lend you a hand because it motivates them and they will stand with you throughout the wedding process.