What not to tell a pregnant friend- two
What you need to know:
- I am panting because the equivalent of a three litre drum of water is strapped to my front.
As the writer of Ecclesiastes so rightly noted, brethren, there is a time for everything under the sun. These past few months have been my time to incubate new life, and perhaps by the time you are reading this the population of my constituency will have gone up by one!
This time has made me wiser, slower, fatter and infinitely kinder to all pregnant women everywhere. And if one of your colleagues happens to be in the last leg of this season, please avoid saying the following things to her.
4. You look tired
Your colleague’s inner thoughts: Why thank you very much, you astute observer of life. Not a thing passes you by! I am, in fact, tired. My back hurts. I have not had a full night’s sleep in over two months. I am panting because the equivalent of a three litre drum of water is strapped to my front. Oh yes, my feet also hurt. Despite all this, I have done my best to make myself presentable and arrive at work. I was trying to smile when you saw me but since you think I am so tired, maybe I will just pass on all my assignments to you. Thanks!
5. Not yet?
Your colleague’s inner thoughts: I know, I look like I am a full month overdue. Perhaps I am gestating a baby elephant? Who knows! Well, it may surprise you but nobody wants this baby born more than I do. You are person no. 152 to ask me the same question. Now do you see why I am losing my patience?
6. Enjoy your sleep now!
Experienced mothers are most guilty of this one, the implication being that as a new mother sleep is a much-longed-for-but-completely-unavailable commodity. Though this is true, advising a woman in the last leg of her pregnancy to ‘enjoy’ her sleep means conveniently forgetting how painfully uncomfortable the last trimester of pregnancy is, and how impossible sleep becomes. It is like asking a donkey why it keeps braying. As if it can choose to moo instead.
