Why they dodged Parliament
Posted Sunday, March 3 2013 at 02:00
The country’s number three planted herself on a chair facing the members and pulled out a cream handkerchief to wipe out thick droplets of sweat. Each of the members was now breathing fast and heavily. The desire to skin the alpha male alive was evident in their grins and stares even when silence forced them to pretend diplomacy was going to prevail.
The speaker’s crime was treason. Apparently, when she sounded the bell to take note of attendance, only a few monkeys were by her side. While others preferred to remain hopping on slippery trees and grabbing ripe fruits, others had wandered miles away.
“No no no no! Honourable members, you are just…just…not serious! How does Zakayo sound the bell and you are absent?” she opened the can of worms. There was a quick search to ensure there was no press man snooping around like a dog on heat.
“Madam Speaker, you may remember that sometime back, a one Nankabirwa once had the guts to call me a child. I promised to defend my manhood and paraded my little chaps before the August house. On the day you roll called, I was just doing it in preparation for another parade,” one said.
“Will you stop speaking in parables? Doing it? What?” the chief charged.
“Killing rats, emezze,” he replied, causing uproar that stirred more confusion than anxiety.
Another had his case.
This one had been caught off guard in the wee hours of the morning. Cops prefer to call him Hon. Irrigator. “Mama Speaker, you may have seen these tabloids’ headlines claiming I was netted drink driving. Kayihura’s scouts allege I irrigated them,” the laughter that broke out was so intense that he could only go on after ten minutes.
“Hon. Member, what is your point, time is against us,” the speaker notified. “For me I was busy in my committee, the Accounts Public sorry, PAC Accounts Committee. Each day we sit we waste over 40 samosas, bottles of water, chappati and cakes, this is unacceptable! I wanted to raise a pro people motion to stop this wastage of public resources but it took me one day to convince the vice chairman,” the man from West Nile had thrown in his defence.
“Hon. members, wacha maneno. In Busoga we don’t entertain open lies; just admit the plenary had more yawns than muchomo and milk tea!” the speaker charged. She stared at them all and waited for a response, but they gazed at her in awe and forced some more saliva down their throats.
“These MPs…they are idiots! They are fools!” the ring tone of the speaker’s phone went.
Of course the meeting ended impromptu.